The Chase Is Not Better Then The Catch

 

Lemmy is inarguably one of the greatest frontmen in metal history, but he's as wrong as he can be about one very important thing.

Motorhead recorded this song called The Chase Is Better than the Catch. This little ditty is all about how Lemmy woos the ladies. A lyrical passage from the song:

The more I get, the better it is
I like it fine, I like a little whizz
Treat them like ladies, that's a fact
You know the chase is better than the catch...

The lyrics get a little spicier from here but you get the picture. What Mr. Kilmister is saying is that in the game of love, he prefers playing the game to actually achieving his goal. For him, chasing women is more satisfying than forming relationships. The chase is better than the catch. And he should know. After all, Lemmy is God, right?

Far be it from me to disagree with God but in my experience, Lemmy is dead wrong. He just is. Chasing after people you want to include in your life is not better than being able to build life-enriching connections with people who help to make your existence tolerable. 

To my mind, chasing relationships serves about the same purpose as chase scenes in movies. It gives us something to focus on s the movie tries to figure out where it's going and it can be pretty damn exciting, depending on the way it's been put together. 

The problem with chase scenes, and most other action scenes in films, is that the story stops progressing as the characters run around and jump and kick and punch and blow stuff up. Chasing people you want in your life is kinda the same way, or at least it is for me. I tend to focus in way to myopically whoever I am pursuing. When I was chasing Girl X, I was all about her. I neglected my other friends. I neglected any efforts to improve my job and financial prospects. I let my story grind to a halt.

The same thing happened with C-Word. I got so lost in chasing her and not being able to get her that I didn't see how much of myself I was losing. Instead of feeling excited, I was anxious, sad, lonely and frustrated. I was in an emotional fog that never seemed to end. More than anything, I was tired.

It gets worse. It turns out that romantic interests aren't the only people I've been chasing. Certain friends in my life have become something close to objects of obsession for me. I so badly crave their attention. I focus on them to the exception of everyone else in my life. I ignore other people in my life, friends and family who actually want me around, to chase the attention of people who say they love me but treat me like I don't exist.

Now, I know what you're thinking. But I'm not a dummy. I understand that life is busy. Work, family, spouses and all that takes up massive amounts of time and energy. I get that. What I don't get is when people tell you they love you or that you're important to them and then they just stop talking to you. That shit hurts. It's confusing, it's exhausting, it drives you into utter despondency. 

No, Lemmy. The chase is not better than the catch. At least it's not if you deal with depression, anxiety and HSP. I'm tired of getting my soul wrecked like I'm a participant in a high-speed emotional car wreck.

I need to be done chasing.

There's another song, this goofy pop song by Matthew Wilder called Break My Stride. It's one of those songs that you probably know even if you don't know you know it. It's a bouncy little number that's as catchy and sticky as flypaper. Here's the chorus:

Ain't nothin' gonna break my stride
Nobody gonna slow me down

Oh no, I got to keep on movin'

Ain't nothin' gonna break my stride

I'm runnin' and I won't touch ground

Oh no, I got to keep on movin'

That needs to become my mission statement when it comes to relationships. Friendships, dating, family, whatever. I can't allow myself to become so engrossed in chasing anyone that I lose track of everyone else in my life. I can't pine so hard for one person's attention that spending time with anyone else becomes unsatisfying. 

I'm done being so tired and frustrated, feeling so used up from chasing someone who doesn't reciprocate. I'm done being heartbroken and miserable because someone who "loves me" can't find enough time to get lunch or shoot me a text or a DM. It's going to be lonely because I seem to collect people who don't care whether I'm around or not. That means I'm going to have to sever ties with a lot of people in my life. And that's going to suck.

But I'm done chasing people, no matter how much I want a connection with them. No more chasing people. I just heard the swan's escaped. I'll go chase the swan instead.