It's Monday. I feel dead tired and wish I would've stayed in bed. I'm sure I'm not alone. Here's a little somethin' somethin' that expresses what we all might be thinking right now.
Monday, you suck ass
Where'd my precious weekend go
Coffee won't work now...
Saturday, January 17, 2015
Continuing on my little first-of-the-year-personal-inventory thing...
Some people say that one thing that makes guys different from girls is that girls are more fickle than guys. For example, they'll love a music artist intensely (like my sister and New Kids on the Block - Good God...), and then abandon said artist at the drop of a hat for some other artist. Guys, on the other hand, figure out what they love as teenagers and then love it for life.
If that's actually accurate, I don't know where I fit. My tastes are constantly evolving and expanding. For example, I didn't always like metal music with screamy vocals. The closest I got was Soulfly, which I could dig cuz I liked Max Cavalera when he was in Sepultura. Then I heard the riffs and musicianship in music by Lamb of God, Shadows Fall, and the like. Soon, the screamy vocals were just part of the music.
I bring this up cuz I decided to put together a playlist representing where my head is at here and now in January 2015. I've realized that I love a lot of the same music I loved back in the day, but I also love a lot of contemporary music. And I love a lot of metal music. But I also love a lot of mellower stuff, I guess cuz you can't be pissed off enough to spit nails all the time. Sometimes I'll love a song cuz it reminds me of someone important to me. Sometimes I'll love a song just cuz it kicks my ass.
So here you go: a musical representation of where I find myself at this point in time. There's not a lot of up-to-date stuff on this list. Some of these songs are actually pretty damn old. But they're all here for a reason. Maybe they're full of wicked awesome playing. Maybe they make me feel something when I hear them. Maybe I relate to what they're talking about. And maybe they're just fun to sing along with. So, without any more nattering on, here's Fatty's January 2015 Playlist (with short notes as to why the song's here):
- "Walk with Me in Hell" by Lamb of God - I learned growing up that Hell is a state of mind. I think that Hell is having to live in a world that isn't much like the one you wish you lived in. Like this world is for me. And sometimes I wish I had someone who'd walk through Hell with me.
- "I Need Your Clothes, Your Boots, and Your Motorcycle" by Austrian Death Machine - Cuz hearing what it might sound like if Arnold Schwarzenegger fronted a metal band is endlessly amusing to me.
- "Everlong" by Foo Fighters - "Hello, I've waited here for you/ Everlong..." And I'm still waiting...
- "She Just a Girl, Eddie" by The Darkness - Cuz sometimes you just have to let go...
- "Big Machine" by Ryan Miller - I feel like this is what everybody in the society I grew up in has been trying to do to me ever since I was a kid.
- "DOEN" by Red Fang - Cuz it's got a a killer riff and just kicks my ass.
- "War Eternal" by Arch Enemy - See the previous song's commentary. That plus awesome guitar solos.
- "Alright Guy" by Todd Snider - I think I'm an alright guy. At least, I hope I am.
- "I've Had It Up to Here" by Weezer - I'm not a professional musician, but this tune perfectly captures how I feel about my writing. And especially how I feel about writing my own stuff to make other people happy. Which is why I'll always be a poor writer.
- "Cape of Our Hero" by Volbeat - After all the bullshit I've been through, how can I pick myself up, fly away, and most important, have any hope that good thing can still happen to me?
- "The Rain Song" by Led Zeppelin. It's just a chill, pretty tune. I'ts funny that Zep is known as this powerful, fire breathing force of a rock band, but my two favorite Zep tunes are mellow and laid back (This one and "Hey Hey What Can I Do?").
- "Killers and Kings" by Machine Head - One word: RIFFS!!
- "I Never Walk Alone" by Huey Lewis and the News - This one's here for my friends. I don't really have a lot of them, but they are super important to me and I appreciate and love each of them. Even Clifton.
- "My Day is Coming" by Rivers Cuomo - Ok, I know this song is about the U.S. soccer team, but the sentiment is still resonant with me: that some day I'll actually get my shit together and figure out how to win in life. It might happen...
- "Wooden Leg" by Alestorm - Cuz the chorus is a lot of fun to yell at the tops of your lungs.
- "Thought of Sound" by The Rentals - It's just a really, really frakking fun song. Sometimes that's all you need.
- "Almost Lover" by A Fine Frenzy - I found this tune on a friends Spotify playlist and really dug it. Maybe someday I'll be able to get through it without getting all weepy.
- "Let Me Drown" by Soundgarden - Cuz some days, I just wanna quit. And I want people to just let me end it. Those are sucky days.
- "1000 Miles an Hour" by OK Go - One of those flight of fancy songs about just picking up and leaving everything. And I think about doing just that at least eight times a day.
- "Old School" by Overkill - Cuz it's a rousing, sing-along rocker about being proud that you've survived. And I think I'm proud I've gotten this far.
I seem to remember that the highest number of songs I've ever fit on a CD is 23. So, here are three more bonus tracks:
- The Pacific Rim Theme by Ramin Djawadi - I wish this music came on whenever I entered a room, cuz it makes me feel like a badass.
- "Always" by Killswitch Engage - It reminds me of my little brother who passed away. I miss you, Pookie.
- "The Rainbow Connection" by Weezer w/Hayley Williams - I love this song and this is my favorite version of it. And it's the perfect closer for this playlist.
What songs are significant to you right now? Care to share? No? Aw, well. I tried...
Wednesday, January 14, 2015
Well, it's the start of another year. And my resolution to blog more has already crashed to the ground in a fiery ball of death. I'd like to do a couple posts a week, but I haven't been. What can I say? Cupcake Wars has taken over my life.
So, being that this is the first of the year and all, many folks are taking stock of their lives and talking about what they hope to accomplish in the next twelve months. Yeah, this is kinda one of those posts. But it's a little different.
You see, I've been looking back on things and taking note of what has changed what needs to change in my life. I has occurred to me that as I evolve (and I'm constantly evolving) I've lost certain traits and aspects of my personality. Hopes and dreams I use to hope and dream for are no longer part of the equation. I've lost a lot. My religious convictions. (This is a good thing.) My need to be smarter or superior to those around me. (This is also a good thing.) The hope that I'll ever meet the right woman or that I'll be in good enough condition to be the right person for her when or if I was ever to meet her. (This is not so good, but it is what it is.)
Life is not all about what you lose along the way, because sometimes you find stuff, good stuff, along the way. I hope to find the ability to be more open-hearted, to love people more, and to live healthier, physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and financially. I hope I find the ability to trust and believe in myself. And there are aspects of my personality I need to get rid of. I hope to lose my shyness, my temper, and my fear of just about everything out there in the big, bad world. And maybe my Dolphins fandom, since they can't beat their way out of a frakking wet paper bag. But with all that I need to lose and hope to gain, there are qualities in my personality that I hope never leave me. Things that I love about myself. Things I will fight to hold on to. I'm assuming if you're still reading this far in that you're interested in knowing what those qualities or quirks may be, so here's a list. Cuz us humans love lists and sh*t:
- My curiosity - One of the scariest things I ever heard when I used to go to church is when people would tell me that learning something was "not necessary for my salvation". That may be true, but I sometimes wondered if people used that as an excuse not to ask hard questions or look for answers about life, the universe and everything. Me personally, I wanna know how the universe got here, and what was here before. I wanna understand what make the cosmos tick, and why humans got to be the way we are now. I don't think I'll ever figure it out, cuz I'm just not all that smart. But I never wanna stop asking questions or trying to find answers.
- My sense of humor - I don't think you can get through very successfully without a good sense of humor. You have to be able to laugh at things, even the bad things, sometimes. That said, my sense of humor may not be all that "good". It's warped, dark, politically incorrect, and I laugh at a lot of things most folks think aren't funny. Plus, you should hear the woefully awful Ant-Man jokes I've been telling my boss for the past month. But it's mine, and I like it. I like to laugh. Laughing has saved my ass plenty of times. And I can't imagine not finding anything funny anymore. Hell, even Batman's laughed a time or two.
- My drive to create - Sometimes I don't write or play music cuz I'm too lazy. Sometimes I can't turn off Netflix. Other times, I can't overcome my depression or anxiety enough to create anything. And a lot of times, I get pissed cuz I come up with stuff that's completely insipid. But the compulsion is always there. I'm always having ideas. And the sense of accomplishment and confidence that comes along with shepherding an idea through to realization is quite possibly the best feeling I've ever experienced. (Yeah, I know. I haven't experienced that much.) It's something that keeps me going, and I hope it never goes away.
- My love of loud-ass, scary-ass music - Quite simply, the music has always been there for me. Always. I can't say that for anyone else in my life. Plus, the music keeps me young. It's hard to grow old when you're constantly bitching about what squares your parents are.
- The feeling of awe I get when I look at the stars - I always want to keep looking up cuz when I do, I feel connected to something much greater than myself. Enuff said!
- My enthusiasm for the things I love - I know that, in the grand scheme of things, comics, music, and movies aren't all that important, but the things I love are a part of me. I get excited for new movies and CDs because they give me something to look forward to. I need that, more than I care to admit. On top of that, the lack of excitement I feel for the new Star Wars flicks scares the sh*t outta me. If that's died, a big part of me has died.
So, these are the things that I like about myself. These are the things I need to hold on to. These are the things that are worth fighting for. And over the coming year, I hope I can hang on to these things, while discovering new things I like about myself.
I know what you're thinking: Me, me, me! It's not all about you, ya fat-ass bastard! Well then, what qualities in your personality do you like? What character traits to you hope to hold on to? Let me know so this can stop being about "me" and start being about "us". Cuz, after all, WE are Groot.