Don't 2: A Sequel to a Rant

 

I'm looking for something.

What I'm looking for is rare. I knew it would be hard to find, but I didn't think it would be nearly as scarce as it actually is. A lot of folks claim to possess what I'm looking for but I'm finding the louder they crow about possessing this treasure, the more full of shit they turn out to be.

Know what I'm searching for? I'm searching for genuine people who will make true friends.

See, lately, I've become acutely aware that I form friendships with the wrong kind of people. There are the kind of people who swear they'll be there for you if you need them but then disappear on you when you need them most. These people tell you how special you are and that they feel a real, powerful connection with you then toss you away like a dead pet at the slightest sign of problems. Actually, people treat their departed furbabies better than these fuckers treat people they've sworn that they care for and will never take for granted.

I've had enough. 

I've come the realization that I can only control what I can control and that doesn't include what people choose to say or do. Since I can only control what I do, it's pretty clear I need to play this game by some different rules, if only to protect myself from the congregation of assholes out there. So, I've come up with a few new rules.

1. No saying "I love you" to anyone who hasn't proven to deserve it. I used to think the worst part about saying those three words is the expectation created for the person you say them to and the pain that comes when you don't hear them back. Now I realize the worst part of those three words is that it creates an expectation of forgiveness. Like your loved one knows you love them so they feel like they can do anything they want to you and you have to forgive them cuz you love them. No more. No more saying those three words to anyone who doesn't treat me with honesty and respect.

2. Always apply skepticism to those who tell me they love me. Kind of the flipside to Rule #1. Too often, people who've told me they love me have treated me like trash and I've let them get away with it. From now on, I won't put any stock in the words of people who say one thing and treat me in a contradictory way. And I'm not going to believe anyone who tells me they love me before we know each other well enough to know if they're genuine or not. And any derivative of the phrase "I don't say things I don't mean" is a huge fucking red flag.

3. The "No Ticket" Rule. No more letting people mistreat me over and over again for month after month, year after year. The very instant I feel someone is phony or detect a difference between their actions and their words, I'm tossing them like Indiana Jones tossed that Nazi douchebag off that blimp in The Last Crusade. 

4. Don't demand it if you can't live it. I'm not deluded enough to think I've never treated anyone else that way, so I'm not letting myself off the hook. If I meet someone genuine and I can't treat them the way a genuinely decent person deserves to be treated, then I can't let myself be part of their life. I will not be a millstone that drowns people who haven't done anything wrong.

It's really not that complicated. Don't say shit you don't mean. Don't imply you feel shit for someone you don't feel. Be honest. Drive defensively. Be vulnerable but don't take any shit, either. That holds for me as much as it holds for people I let into my life.

That's another thing: from here on out, I'm going to be MUCH more selective about who I let into my life. No more becoming friends with someone just because they're friends with one of my friends. Thinks I used the word "friends" enough in that sentence? Anyway, I've found that some of the most hollow relationships I've had throughout my life are relationships I've forged with friends of friends. I find that I form these friendships because I feel pressure. After all, I don't want my friend to be all butthurt because I don't like said friend's friends. But no more of that shit. I'm not making friendships with anyone I don't want to make friendships with and I'm not meeting anyone I don't want to meet.

Before I end, I need to acknowledge that while I have a stunning talent for forging phony friendships, I have somehow made a number of connections with genuinely decent, sincere, caring people who actually do care about me and upon whom I can depend, no matter what. I am so grateful for these folks and pray to The Maker that I can live in a way that I'm deserving of having these amazing, amazing people in my life.

But to any phony, fake-ass motherfuckers out there who may want to make me their next social experiment or whatever, y'all better listen to what that dude from Fear Factory said and back the fuck up.