Shit I Watched on Netflix, Ep. 5

The Dirt: The Unbelievable Story of the World's Most Notorious Rock Band

What is this shit?

This biopic tracks the rise of  Motley Crue, the legendary band who helped set the template for 80s glam metal and whose ultra-excessive rock n' roll lifestyles became nearly as renowned as their tunes. It's like a standard biopic, only shitface drunk and sporting tattoos and a nasty cocaine habit.

 What's this shit about?

This is like an uncensored, feature-length episode of VH-1's Behind the Music. Nikki Sixx (Douglas Booth), Tommy Lee (Machine Gun Kelly), Mick Mars (Iwan Rheon), and Vince Neil (Daniel Webber) are an unlikely quartet who join forces to form Crue. Fame and debauchery soon follow. The Dirt is a pretty standard biopic, so the thematic material is about how fame isn't all it's cracked up to be and how sex, drugs, and rock n' roll take a toll on our musical heroes. You know, cliched shit like that.

The Good Shit!

This movie made me laugh quite a bit. I wasn't prepared for that. Then again, I'm amused by watching crazy fuckers do crazy shit and I miss the days when rock stars could act like rock stars. The fuckers who try to pass for rock stars are so painfully boring. 

Some of the acting was really solid, as well. Especially Kelly as Tommy Lee. Booth was pretty good as Nikki Sixx. However, the best performance, by light years, was Tony Cavalero as Ozzy Osbourne. Good lord, I had to pinch myself to make sure the filmmakers hadn't somehow inserted old footage of the Ozz-man into the scene. 

Also, the soundtrack kicked some ass.

The Bad Shit!

Good God, can you say "formulaic story-telling, Batman"? So maybe it's cuz I've seen Crue's Behind the Music episode or maybe it's cuz I've seen too many other music biopics. But The Dirt felt like the director's cut of a television episode I'd seen a hundred times where they left all the "too hot for TV" shit in. Predictable as the sunrise, and that's not a good thing.

On top of that, Webber's performance as Vince is pretty dull anytime he's not onstage kicking ass with the band. Rheon's Mick Mars steals so many scenes, so it's a bummer the movie places him in the background. 

Oh, and the opening scene in this flick made me feel like a prude. And I fucking hate feeling like a prude.

Wrap this shit up?

The Dirt was fun enough for one watch, but I don't think I'd want to sit through it again. I enjoyed it, though critics have roasted it, calling it "soulless." I'd like to ask them what exactly they expected. This kind of music was about having fun, partying, and getting loaded and laid. The Dirt gets this part of Crue exactly right. It's not meant to be soulful. You want that, go listen to your fucking Pearl Jam albums.

Bottom line: If Bohemian Rhapsody was too tame for you, The Dirt may be just what Dr. Feelgood ordered.