Junk Food FOMO

 

I have a pretty tortured, intense relationship with junk food.

Junk food has been a part of my life as far back as I can remember, but I think shit really got out of control after I returned home from my church mission. At that point, Hasbro had been releasing their Star Wars: The Power of the Force toy line for about two years, and I was engaged in an epic quest to collect as much awesome Star Wars shit as I could. My homie Erik and I would embark on long trips to find the latest, greatest plastic Star Wars facsimiles. Every one of these trips would include a stop to get lunch at a fast-food joint. In addition, I remember spending extra time in Taco Bell around that time because they were running a contest to win the Batmobile. This was when my relationship with junk food truly took root.

Fast-forward to spring 2022. I had a particularly disgusting trip to Taco Bell. I mean, fast food is inherently a little disgusting by its very nature but this was way beyond that. I dunno what the fuck was inside my chalupas but it had the texture and consistency of old pork fat. I didn't puke but it was offputting enough that I swore I'd never "Quiero Taco Bell" and "make a run for the border" for "the cure for the common meal" ever again. And for the past two months, I've stuck to it.

Around the same time, I decided that I was tired of feeling like complete bat guano all the time and decide that my diet and sedentary lifestyle were in need of a change. I started trying to learn how to cook, reasoning that if I could cook for myself I'd be less inclined to choose junk food. Progress there has been stop-and-start, currently in stop mode.

Not long after, I decided I was going to quit drinking soda pop. That's going a bit better, as I haven't drunk a drop of soda in the past month. But it's about to get even more challenging, as Mtn Dew just announced their new flavors for Summer 2022. And when I saw that announcement, it clicked with me why I fail so hard trying to quit junk food. 

It's because of FOMO.

See, I don't lead a very adventurous life. My anxiety keeps me from doing a lot of things normally-functioning humans get to do so my ability to have new experiences is rather limited. But one area of life where I CAN have new experiences without my anxiety fucking it up for me is food. If I see a new flavor of Mtn Dew or Coke or whatever in the cooler at the convenience store, it doesn't frazzle me to grab one, chug it down and have a new flavor experience. If a burger, taco or pizza place I like is advertising some item I haven't tried yet, it's not a problem for me to go get it and give it a test drive. Hell, I don't even have to get outta my car. Thank you, Drive-Thru!!

Because I value those new taste experiences so much, I can get pretty neurotic when I think about not getting to try new options at fast food joints or convenience stores. I go out of my way to get them. Good hell, one time last summer I made a 40-minute trip to a c-store in Idaho Falls just to load up on Mtn Dew flavors that hadn't appeared in my neck of the woods yet. I frequently see ads from food places when I'm watching Hulu or whatever late at night and will pause my show, get dressed, trudge out to the car and drive into town just to satisfy that craving.

Sometimes, it doesn't even have to be new items. For example, I made a 1:30 am trip to McDonald's at the end of May because I knew their 2-for-$6 was ending and I couldn't bear the thought of missing my chance at one last cheap quarter pounder and McNuggets meal.

I can't handle the thought that I might not taste what Baja Gold Mtn Dew tastes like. I'm currently wrestling with my need to hit up Jack-in-the-Box for one of their Double Bacon Chessy Jacks. Summer seems to be the season when the junk food makers really push the newest flavors so the next three months are going to be a real gauntlet to run.

That said, I know what the issue driving this is so I can figure out some solution. After all, knowing is half the battle.