Drains, Drain Stoppers and Garlic Pill Poppers

 

I know fuck all about plumbing. I understand the need for a system that both brings us potable water and carries away liquid waste. But that's as far as my understanding goes, which is sad considering my dad's a pipefitter. You'd think I'd know about the basics. 

Still, despite my lack of plumbing knowledge, I understand that drains are essential. They keep us from traipsing around in our own shit. They keep our feet dry and our home environments clean. They are a net positive. 

But there are metaphorical drains out there. They tap into us and siphon away our energy, our hope, even our very souls if we let them. They suck us dry and leave us weakened and unable to function. They may do it purposefully or they may not realize that they are such a drain. But you usually wind up learning that they got this way because someone was a drain to them, and they were bled so dry that draining others is the only way they can feel like anything other than a great sucking void.

These drains come in many forms:

• Friends who don't understand or respect boundaries and rob you of your peace of mind
• Family members who can't accept you unless you believe exactly the same shit they do
• Coworkers who are willing to use your knowledge then toss you aside when their work situation improves
• Significant others that demand the Earth, moon and stars from you but give very little
• Hell, situations and events you may find yourself in can drain you when they are ever-present, inescapable and drain away your energy by causing you to worry and stress.

One of the greatest drains I've ever come across was my college roommate, Troy. This idiot was convinced that he knew everything there is to know about living the good life. He was extremely messy and had bizarre hygiene and health habits. He would constantly take garlic pills because he said they helped him avoid illness. As a result, he constantly smelled so strongly like garlic that he could clear a packed room. He bathed with oatmeal because he said it made his skin softer. Great, whatever, but then he wouldn't clean out the bathtub.

That stuff was awful but the worst part was the way he mocked, belittled and talked down to me. He said he was "fucking with me to make my mind stronger," but all it really did was destroy my confidence and self-image. After all, if someone as shitty, ugly and stupid as Troy was superior enough to me to be justified in mocking me, I must have been the shittiest piece of shit ever.

Troy would bug me when I was trying to sleep. He'd interrupt me when I was trying to study. He was, in general, just a completely unpleasant asshole and yet, since I didn't have many other friends, I still tried to be cool with him. 

It didn't work. I started avoiding him by spending hours upon hours in Toys R Us and music stores. Troy always seemed to make up for it by being extra annoying when I happened to be around. Eventually, I had to move out to my cousins' house to escape.

Troy drained me of sanity, self-esteem and  so much more. But he also taught me a very important lesson: When you encounter this kind of a drain, you gotta have a drain stopper and you gotta be willing to use it.

Drains don't stop up themselves so if you're waiting for someone in your life to realize they're killing your soul and change their behavior, you're probably shit outta luck. You're probably going to have to take it upon yourself. Stopping up those who are draining you takes courage, confidence and mental energy and you may have to do it at a time when you don't have what it takes to cut the drains out of your life. But it's usually wiser to dig deep, find the wherewithal and slam that plug into place.

The struggle to clog up a drain that's emptying you starts with limiting access to yourself. Don't spend time in the same space. Block them on social media. Don't answer when they call or message you. Don't listen to music you experienced together or watch movies you saw together. Do whatever you need to to keep them out of sight out of mine.

It's not easy. It takes discipline, especially if you shared a genuine connection with them. When that's the case, the urge to creep their social media to see what they're up to is overwhelming at times. The loneliness derived from the void they left in your life can cause you all kinds of pain and drive you to do everything from overeating your feelings to excess retail therapy. And I get it, dude. I've failed at this far more often than I've succeeded.

When what's draining you is current events or situations you have no control over, about all can do is strip yourself of reminders of said events. For example, the riot in DC and all the horse shit surrounding Trump and the 2020 election have swallowed much of my joie de vivre but in the middle of it all, I've noticed that the days I haven't paid attention to the news are much less soul-killing than the days I bury myself in keeping up with what's going on. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is tell the world to go fuck itself and put yourself out on an island all by yourself.

I'm not here to tell you that I have it all figured out. I don't. I am a raging dumpster fire that is trying like mad to extinguish myself. But I am learning. Maybe a little later in life than I would've liked but I can be taught. And if someone else can learn from my struggles, I feel obligated to share. That, plus typing this out helps me put it in the proper context. 

So, yeah. TLDR: If you got some punk-ass drains sucking your will to live, you need to get you some bomb-ass motherfucking drain stoppers and plug them bitches up.