Thrashbrowns v. Mouse House, Round 12

 National Treasure (2004)

The Story:

Benjamin Gates (Nick Fucking Cage, bruh!) discovers that there's a treasure map on the back of the Declaration of Independence and the only way to protect the document from a thieving British bastard played by Sean Bean is to steal it himself. 

Has Thrashbrowns seen this? Why or why not?

I hadn't seen this before. I am not a fan of The Da Vinci Code. Let me rephrase that: I have no interest in The Da Vinci Code. National Treasure looked to me like a Disneyed-up Da Vinci Code knock-off. Thus, I had no interest in seeing National Treasure and skipped it until boredom overwhelmed me.

The Good:

The two leads in this flick are pretty awesome. Cage is one of the most interesting actors on the planet, possibly cuz his grip on sanity is questionable. This is one of his more subdued roles, but you can see a manic, desperate energy crackling just beneath the surface, ready to boil over.

Bean is also great as Ian Howe, Ben Gates' rival and antagonist. He takes a role that is a pretty conventional bad guy and gives it some needed cool and menace. The way he bounces off Cage is what gives this movie most of its life.

The Bad:

Apart from the forced, extremely lame comic relief from Justin Bartha, National Treasure does very little badly. But it also doesn't do anything too well, either. Really, that's the movie's biggest flaw.  

The mystery elements are never quite mysterious enough to enthrall. The tension doesn't really build to anything, making the big reveals feel less like magical movie moments and more like standard plot points. The creepy parts aren't creepy enough and the action parts don't pack much punch. As a result, we get a movie that's not terrible but never really rises above the level a painless way to pass the time.

Does Thrashbrowns get why people love this so much?

Not really. Apart from some good casting, I can't really see what it has to offer. Though it's exactly the kind of bland, turn-your-brain-off blockbuster that people seem to love, so there's that.

Did Thrashbrowns like it?

Nope.

It's a bad sign when you're watching a movie and all you can think about is unkind comparisons to other movies. National Treasure struck me as a de-fanged, updated Indiana Jones story that lacks most of what makes Indy so awesome. Though Cage and Bean made sitting through this one tolerable, I wouldn't want to see it again.

Maybe if Ben Gates ran around in a Fedora whilst cracking a bullwhip, I'd feel differently...

Up Next:

It's time to finally bite the bullet and check out Moana. I've put that one off long enough.