The Time Hop

"You find your target yet, Erlandssen?"

"That's a negative, Rumsey."

Eralandssen peered through a pair of field glasses, scanning a school playground, mouth drawn into an anxious scowl.

"You know what'll happen if someone catches us peeping out grade school kids, right," Rumsey questioned. 

Erlandssen nodded. "You better keep your eyes open, Mr. Look-out," he countered.

"You know what they do to pedophiles in pris-"

Erlandssen stopped Rumsey mid-sentence. "Target sighted."

Erlandssen passed Rumsey the field glasses. He directed Rumsey until the view of the glasses fell where he wanted it to. 

Through the glasses, Rumsey saw a wild-haired, wild-eyed boy in a collared shirt and jeans. His jeans were cover in grass and mud stains. Two other boys chased him, shoving him around, knocking him to the ground.

"Christ, Erly," Rumsey snickered. "Hard to believe you were ever that skinny."

Erlandssen looked down at his prominent potbelly, stroking his beard in thought. "A lot of shit happened between then and now." 

Rumsey passed the glasses back to Erlandssen. The target was now the brownish-red brick wall of the school, rocking back and forth and crying.

"Didn't you ever fight back," asked Rumsey. 

"I couldn't," Erlandssen answered. "It was like they were all bound together in some sort of alliance, like a League of Evil Bully Douchebags, all united in the cause of making my life miserable. And they made sure I knew I was way too weak to fight back. I believed them."

Rumsey dropped the glasses from his eyes. "Think this will work?"

"I have no idea, but I need to try," Erlandssen responded. He stood and started toward the schoolyard. 

"Hey," Rumsey called out. "You sure you really wanna do this? You know what happens if it works."

Erlandssen turned, giving Rumsey a thumbs-up and kept right on walking.

*****

Elias couldn't stop crying. He was used to being bullied but, God, was dancing this jig getting old. He dried his tears on his sleeve and tried to sniff up the snot that bubbled from his nose.

"Rub some dirt on it and walk it off," Elias heard a man say. He looked up to see a portly, bearded gent in what looked to be a jumpsuit made out of glistening metallic fabric. 

"That's what my dad says," Elias answered. 

"Your dad sounds like an asshole," the man retorted.

Elias laughed then wiped his nose. The man sat down.

"Who are you, Mister," Elias asked.

"We know each other," the man answered. 

The confusion on Elias's face told the man that answer didn't suffice. 

"My name's Erly," the man said as he sat down beside Elias. "I'm here to help you."

"Do you know karate," the kid questioned.

"No," the man answered. "But I know something better. I can see the future. I can see YOUR future."

"How?"

"Modern technology, Elias."

Elias sniffled. Erly pulled a handkerchief from his jumpsuit and handed it over. 

"What's is going on in my future," Elias asked.

"You know those bullies? They're gonna stop bugging you."

"Nuh-uh."

"True story. See, the thing about bullies is that they're all little bitches. They act all tough and can be really scary sometimes. But if you hit them with just one well-placed shot, you can put them in their place."

Elias's eyes grew as big as saucers. "Well-placed shot? Like where?"

"The nuts. The kneecap. Sucker-punches when they aren't looking. You just have to hit hard enough so they remember that you hit 'em. And if you can embarrass them, that's a bonus."

"Why are you telling me now?"

"Let's just say that that shitstain Rodney and his little bitch girlfriend are going to do something to you this afternoon that will change the course of your life. Ruin it. I'd like to see you do something about that."

Erly stood. "What are they gonna do," Elias asked. 

"You'll know it in the moment, kid," Erly answered. "Just don't be afraid."

Erly walked off as the lunch break bell sounded. Elias stood tried to brush himself off and headed inside.

Not five minutes later, Elias sat at his desk, waiting for the teacher to begin the afternoon's lesson. 

WHAP! Elias felt a hand smack him on the back of the head. He turned to see Rodney, his arch-bully, settling into the desk next to him. Elias wished with all he was worth that the teacher would assign him to a new seat, one on the opposite side of the room from Rodney.

"Better be careful, Rodney," the curly-haired blonde girl sitting behind Elias chided. "He might cry."

The girl cracked up into spasms of laughter. "Is there something funny you need to tell the class, Daidre," the teacher called out, back turned to the classroom as she scribbled notes on the blackboard.

Daidre and Rodney laughed again. Elias wheeled around and glared at her.

"Careful," teased Rodney. "He might hypnotize you into falling in love with him."

"Are you kidding," Daidre replied. "He's too ugly for anyone to fall in love with."

"Yeah," prodded Rodney. "Even his mom doesn't love him."

Elias felt the rage bubbling up inside him. As far back as he could remember, Rodney had been mocking and bullying him, and he didn't even know why. 

Elias regained his composure and turned away. He felt himself settle down. "It's not worth it," he told himself. "Every time I try to stand up for myself, I end up getting in trouble."

Suddenly, Elias felt Rodney's fingers latch onto his right nipple and start twisting. Pain ate into his chest while Rodney cackled. "You kids need to stifle," was all the teacher, still absorbed in her notes could muster.

Elias turned to see Daidre red-faced with laughter, hand wrapped around a chocolate milk she shouldn't have in class. He looked down at his desk to see his social studies book lying there, waiting to be opened.

"Bullies are little bitches," Elias heard Erly's disembodied voice tell him. "One well-placed shot and you can put them in their place."

In one smooth, continuous motion, Elias reached down, grabbed his social studies text and baseball swung it into Rodney's still laughing face. Rodney spilled backward into the row of desks behind him. The force with which Rodney hit the desks behind him sent Daidre sprawling, her chocolate milk covering her pretty pink blouse.

Elias stood and kicked Rodney in the side as hard as he could. He watched tears well up in Rodney's eyes. "You gonna cry, you little bitch," he roared.

As if on cue, Rodney pissed himself. The class pointed and laughed. Daidre wailed about how her top was all sticky and ruined. Elias suddenly felt like things were going to be different.

"Mr. Erlandssen," the teacher sternly huffed, grabbing his arm and hauling him toward the door. "You better have a good excuse for this."

As the teacher dragged Elias to the principal's office, he felt like even if he didn't have a good excuse, the punishment would be worth it.

*****

"Do what you needed to do," Rumsey asked as Erlandssen approached. He sat at a picnic table under a tree, supping some kind of juice drink. 

"Sure did," Erlandssen answered. 

"How long til we know if it worked," Rumsey asked.

"Shouldn't be too awful long," Elrandssen responded.

Erlandssen sat down across from Rumsey. Rumsey handed Erlandssen a juice drink. Erlandssen twisted off the cap and took a drink. He spat it out immediately.

"Tastes like citrus-tinged urine," Erlandssen exclaimed. 

"People here don't have the beverage tech we have back home, so what do you expect?"

"Touche."

Erlandssen's fingertips began emitting dull light. Rumsey took notice. "Your hands," he said motioning to Erlandssen's fingers.

Erlandssen smiled as he began to levitate away from the table. Rumsey took a swig of his juice and stood. "Son of a bitch," he said. "I don't believe it."

Rumsey saluted Erlanssen, whose body was now emitting intensely bright blue light. "See you sometime soon," Erlandssen.

Rumsey turned away from Erlandssen and walked off, not bothering to turn around as Erlandssen's body burst into a brilliant blue fireball. 

*****

Rumsey stepped through to the portal of the time machine's return pod. The machine radiated bright golden light which gradually died down. The electronic chirps and whirrs that accompanied his return from the past silenced.

Rumsey looked around the lab. He saw no traces that Erlandssen had ever been there. He felt an emptiness bite at his soul. Erlandssen was a bit of a goof, but Rumsey was gonna miss him.

Rumsey decided to stop at a local watering hole on the way home for a drink. He picked his way through the crowded establishment.  He made his order with the bartender and turned around to do some people watching. 

The bartender tugged on the back of Rumsey's sleeve and handed him his drink. As he was turning back around away from the bar, he heard a familiar voice. He searched the bar for the source of that voice.

After a few moments, his eyes settled on a vaguely familiar-looking bearded man. He was surrounded by women, crack jokes and entertaining the whole harem.  He looked much more trim and his whole being radiated swagger and confidence, but the voice was unmistakable. It was Elais Erlandssen. Not the one Rumsey knew, but a better, improved version.

Erlandssen's eyes met Rumsey's. They seemed to flash recognition. Rumsey raised his glass and saluted Erlandssen. Erlandssen mouthed "Cheers" and went back to his harem. 

Rumsey downed his drink and walked out of the bar. As he headed up the street toward the subway tube, he did so with a smile on his face and the realization that maybe a similar time hop to the one he'd gone on with Erlandssen was probably in order for himself.