I'm just like Doctor Strange (...if Doctor Strange was really lame...)

You guys remember the Doctor Strange movie, right? Stephen Strange (played by Buttonhook CollanderTop or something like that), a gifted yet narcissistic neurosurgeon, loses his ability to operate when he smashes his hands in a car accident. In his quest to heal himself and return to the life he's accustomed to, Strange finds his way into learning the ways of sorcery and a conflict with the evil interdimensional entity, Dormammu.

Well, what if I told you that I'm just like Doctor Strange. I'm serious. Stop laughing.

"What are you talking about," I can hear you saying. "Doctor Strange is the ruggedly handsome Sorcerer Supreme. The only thing rugged about you is the fact that you're hairy and look like you've been living in a cave for the past eight years."

"Doctor Strange is an Avenger," you say. "You haven't even avenged that loss in Tecmo Super Bowl you took to your bro-in-law's neighbor kid like three years ago."

Settle down and let me explain.

It all started with The Depression. (I'm supposed to call it "the depression" and not "my depression," so as not to claim ownership of an issue that may not be my fault.) At my lowest point, a friend suggested I talk to her sister, an energy healer, for help with The Depression and to maybe help me avert doing something stupid.

Energy healing? Really? Reeeeeeeeally?

I'm a fairly non-superstitious cat. Like Strange, I don't really buy into fairy tales about chakras or energy or the power of belief. I'm no longer religious (and someday I'll blog about that) and I tend to believe science and experts who have done a lot of research within their areas of expertise. I don't think religious leaders have a whole lot of relevant knowledge and those from the political sphere are so bereft of knowledge, they might as well be black holes of information. So the idea of energy healing was way beyond the boundaries of what I consider to be credible.

But after a few hours of despondency-drenched thought, I came to the conclusion that I didn't have anything to lose. I absolutely needed to do something to start clawing my way out of this crater I currently find myself in. Traditional counseling has been helpful but was out of my price range. Meds have always helped stabilize my mood, but they take time to kick in and I needed immediate help. I was in bad enough shape to think that maybe it was time to try something else.

So I made the call and set up an appointment.

I went in skeptical, and my Ancient One-like healer told me to do my best to keep an open mind. Our first session was your basic getting-to-know-you-and-your-situation thang. Session two focused on releasing negative emotions that other people have gotten entangled in my energy. The third session highlighted building up protective shields for my heart and giving myself permission to deny unhealthy people and situations access into my life and to cut off sources of toxicity.

It's not been the smoothest road. A lot of things my Ancient One says don't make logical sense. Some of the stuff that comes out is so wacky, I have to stifle my laughter. Sometimes, I worry that if my eyes roll any harder, my Ancient One is gonna hear them rattling around in my head. I played it as cool as a grown-ass man whose favorite article of clothing is his Godzilla boxer shorts can possibly play it.

But then something funny happened. I actually felt stuff, toxic emotion and the like, get released. I felt a change in life. I actually think it's working.

Believe me, I understand how that sounds. But I swear that, on the whole, I'm in a much better mental and emotional place now than I was when I first fell into this trough of depression. I still have bad days. This past Sunday, I spent a large chunk of the day desperate and crying, and that was before I despair-ingested a whole large pizza by myself. But most of my days feel almost normal.

In a situation like this, it's natural to ask why. Why is this shit I don't believe in working for me? Is it some kind of string theory, quantum mechanical vibration principle that drives this? After much thought, I've decided that maybe it's ok if I don't know. Maybe all that matters is that I feel significantly better. Maybe all that matters is that it's working.

This journey is far from over. If this story was a typical three-act screenplay, we'd be early in the second act. We've met the characters. The situation has been set up. Now we run with it. The stakes get raised, the conflicts get widened and the characters grow in experience and skill until the climactic battle with the Big Bad. I'm not sure what form my Big Bad will take, though hopefully not an immense, malevolent cosmic entity whose head is on fire.

But it's out there and I hope I'm ready to kick some ass by the time we cross paths. Cuz I have a feeling repeatedly chanting "Dormammu, I've come to bargain" is not gonna work.