I, Security Blanket: Thoughts for Valentine's Day 2020

Prologue...

You guys remember Linus van Pelt from Peanuts cartoons and comics, right? One of his defining characteristics, along with a wisdom beyond his years, was the fact that he always carried around a blanket with him everywhere he went. His security blanket. It was the thing that kept him together. An extra appendage he could with the skill of Indiana Jones with his bullwhip or Spider-Man with his webbing.

But whenever Linus was separated from his blanket, he freaked the fuck out. It was like a drug addict going through withdrawals. It wasn't pretty. Sometimes, I wish I could affect the object of my affection like that, you know, where she can't fucking stand life without me. Hell, sometimes I hope like hell that's the way things are.

But it's never the way things are.

End Prologue...

I think I probably have quite a number of qualities in common with a blanket. I'm fuzzy like a blanket. I'm fluffy like a blanket, although I've become significantly less fluffy since the weight I put on over the past holiday season started coming off. I've been told I'm a joy for one to wrap up in and snuggle down with. Of course that came from my cat Loki, but that still counts, right?

So, it occurs to me that being blanket-like isn't the worst fate that could befall a guy. However, I realized just the other day how much I absolutely fucking detest being treated like a blanket. 

See, I cut someone out of my life this week. The damage mental and emotional damage she was causing no longer tolerable. So, I blocked her on social media, deleted her contact info, and get rid of any conversations we've had over text. Though I thought about it for like a month before I finally dropped the hammer, when I finally made the decision, it was shockingly easy.

Next came the phase that always follows the disappearance of someone massively important from your universe, whether you disappeared them or they banished themselves: the post-relationship overanalysis. I began to pour over the course of my relationship with not only this person, but also every other woman I've ever had a relationship with, be that a dating relationship or a friendship or whatever.

The is the Scooby-Doo phase of post-relationship, where you're looking for any clues that you missed that might've helped you avoid getting hurt or kept them in your life. In doing so, I began to try to see patterns in my failures, something less apparent or obvious than "You always pick the wrong girl," as a former friend once told me. Something deeper than the common factor in all these failures being that I was involved.

And you know what? There actually is a pattern. Something deeper than the aforementioned factors and that I didn't notice until I was rummaging through Google for Peanuts memes I could send me buddy, Black Ops. I was looking through images of Charlie Brown and his gang and seeing all these drawings of Linus with his blanket. A connection in my brain was tripped and it hit me so hard, I nearly fell outta my goddamn chair.

I saw, for the first time, that I am trapped in a single role in the lives of all these women that I've loved.  I don't get to be the guy that they lust after. I don't get to be the guy they wanna be with. Time after time, I'm their fucking security blanket.

I'm not the one they want to make out with. I'm the guy they want to be there when nobody else is there for them. I'm not the dude they want putting his hands all over their bodies. I'm the hapless bastard they wanna share weepy time with. I'm not the guy that ignites a fire in their loins. I'm the guy that makes them feel secure like they're wrapped up in their favorite old quilt with a mug of cocoa.  

Again and again, I'm the guy they want to be emotionally intimate with, but they don't want physical intimacy with me. I remember discussing this very subject with a counselor, with him telling me how devastatingly destructive this can be for a person. If you're getting your emotional intimacy from one source and your physical intimacy from another, that usually is a symptom of much greater mental and emotional health issues.  

Phew. Think I used "intimacy" enough times in that last paragraph?

Epilogue

You'd think the most suck-ass part of being someone's security blanket would be being stuck with thankless chores like listening to them complain non-stop about shitty relationships or getting stuck holding their purse in the grocery store. That's not it. You might think the worst part is when they eventually realize they've grown beyond you and no longer need you. That's not it either.

The worst part? IT NEVER SEEMS TO END. Obviously, there's nothing you can do to make someone who's not attracted to you want you. No way to get them to see any qualities you possess that may trump just being hot. But there's also no way to get them to see what they're doing to you and get them to stop. They continue on, oblivious the fact they may be really you over, causing damage that may never be undone. Once you're a security blanket, the use you are to the other party is to make them feel secure and that you're always there whenever you need them. Which can kill you fucking dead emotionally and leaves you only one option.

YOU HAVE TO GET YOURSELF THE FUCK OUT.

Seriously, the only way to set yourself free from being someone's security blanket is to sever your connection with said person. Delete their digits. Block them on social media. Get yourself a big-ass elastic band and flick the fuck outta your wrist when the drive to contact them threatens to overwhelm you. It's painful. It sucks. But it must be done if you have any hope of surviving emotionally.

One important side effect of being a security blanket is that you begin to wonder how many people who wanted to be intimates with you that you've cast in the role of your own security blanket. How many women have I done this to? Am I really self-absorbed enough that I would torture someone else like this? I guess I'll find out when I die and Satan lists all the reasons I'm damned to Hell.

TL:DR - Being a security blanket for someone you have feelings for really sucks. If you are a security blanket, get out. If you're keeping someone as a security blanket, don't be a dick and cut them loose.

And if you're worried about me, don't be. I'll be okay. I've still got my guitars...