Defeating the Pattern

 

It plays out the same way practically every time.

An attractive woman I don't know will ask to follow me on Instagram. I'll look up her profile. If she's attractive or seems interesting, I'll accept her follow request.

The next step usually unfolds within the next week. "Hi," she'll say. I'll decide to reply because I'm bored and the woman in the photos on her IG is hot. "Hey," I'll reply.

After opening pleasantries, she'll where I'm located, followed by my relationship status and whether or not I have any kids. "Do you want to be single forever?" they'll ask. I already know where this is going.

Soon, she'll be calling me sweetheart, dear and other shitty pet names while I wish that, just once, a woman would call me Destroyer of the Universe or Sir Magic Penis. She'll ask me if I'm interested in her and if I've ever been in a long-distance relationship or dated online. 

I'm bored and incredibly lonely, so I'll play along. It gives me a chance to flirt, something I rarely get to be in the real world these days. She'll say "I love you" or "I'm falling for you" or some such shit. I'll replay that I'm very fond of her, too, rolling my eyes the whole time.

Then comes the turn.

"Dear, I need your help," she begins. She'll conjure up some emergency situation. One time, her phone was about to stop working. Another time, she needed groceries, even though judging by her photos, she lives in a pretty fancy apartment or house. Another time, she needed my help for her business. Still another time, she needed me to pretend to be her husband so she could receive her paychecks... I think...

Once we reach the "Please give me money" point of the relationship, I bail and the blocks come down. Then, because my mental health is a dumpster fire, I'll feel guilty for like a week as I wonder if my Instagram Mystery Lady was actually what she claimed to be.

This is The Pattern. I've been through it over and over and over. 

In the past two months or so, I've been feeling more lonely than I have ever been in my life. It's made me a little more open to the idea of fraternizing with strange ladies online. So I've had a rash of these lately, and every time one of these "relationships" ends, I tell myself how stupid it is that this is the bulk of my social interaction and how I need to stop it cuz it doesn't satisfy. Then, a pretty lady messages me and the whole pattern starts again. Fuck. Fuuuuuuuuuuuck.

 It's so easy to get lost in The Pattern. You think you're too smart to fall for any of that bullshit. But before you know it, you've dropped $70 buying some person you've never met in the flesh video game gift cards. The Pattern can be alluring and lull you into a state where you think you're in control, even when you're not.

Thankfully, The Patter can be defeated. All you really have to do is put down your phone and go see real flesh-and-blood people.

I was deep in the thrall of The Pattern when a cousin, who I'd never met face-to-face before, began messaging me about getting to know each other. We messaged back and forth for a few weeks before deciding, goddammit, it was time to meet face-to-face. We met for lunch at a BBQ joint (and I got my testimony of the deliciousness of cheddar jalapeno smoke sausage re-enforced.) and she was completely delightful. I left so happy and excited to be at the start of a friendship that could be really healthy for me. 

As I sat with my new friend/cousin stuffing my pulled pork/sausage sandwich into my face, I had a glimmer of a realization. I didn't miss my Insta-babes. I wasn't constantly checking my phone. I was perfectly content to sit with my new friend and talk about life, the universe and everything.

The Pattern has a weakness, just like the fucking Death Star. And I had just dealt it a crippling blow. 

Then earlier this week, I went out for dinner and a screening of Clerks III with two of my favorite people. Not only did I not think about my Insta-babes for the evening, but it also began to annoy me that I was substituting online interaction with scammers for time spent with my nearest and dearest.

It's amazing how easily we can allow ourselves to be satisfied with things in our lives that aren't anywhere close to as good as we deserve. It happens with jobs, friendships, family issues and relationships. We set aside what we want most with whatever is most convenient or whatever we can get right now. We suffer for doing so. The Pattern exploits our tendency to do this. 

But there's a way out. Get out there and mingle with people you love and who care about you. Do things that keep your brain occupied enough that you're not worried about chatting with individuals who most likely only view you as a way to supplement their meal ticket. Feel REAL LOVE instead of the hollow excitement and ultimate disappointment given by The Pattern. Bring down the blocks and set yourself free!!

Now, I can't guarantee that I won't fall prey to The Pattern ever again. Sometimes my curiosity overwhelms my skepticism and loneliness is a constant problem. But I know the way out. And I know that chatting to sexy scammers will never bring the kind of validation and fulfillment that real-life friends bring.