Ranking the Spider-Flicks

With Spider-Man: No Way Home wrapping up the first Tom Holland trilogy in the Marvel Cinematic Universe (Sony has much, much more planned with Holland Spidey), a lot of folks are starting to post their ultimate rankings of Ol' Webhead's onscreen adventures. A lot of these lists are quick posts to Facebook or Twitter, but I'm infatuated with the sound of my own voice (as a writer, I can't stand to hear recordings of my speaking voice), so I decided to blog my rankings. That way I can explain my placement of each film a little bit.

So, here it goes. One guy's ranking of the nine big-screen Spider-Man films that have been released up to this point. Enjoy!

9. The Amazing Spider-Man 2

For my money, this is the least satisfying Spidey-film thus far. It's bloated and its take on Electro is pretty lame. Not to mention the fact that it spent way too much time setting up other films that we'd never see. I can't hate it though. It still manages to capture a few great Spider-Man moments. So I don't love it but I still kinda like it.

8. Spider-Man 3

There are too many bad guys and if it were up to me, Avi Arad would've gotten an invitation to fuck off and Venom would've been cut out completely. Because the idea of Peter struggling to overcome his ego and learning to forgive is some powerful story stuff that could've worked better if Sam Raimi would've been allowed to focus on it more. Still, this movie is not without its charms and I find that it's the stuff everyone else seems to hate that I like the most, like geeky dancing Parker. Also, I love that Evil Peter's idea of being bad is getting the neighbor girl to make cookies for him.

7. Spider-Man: Far From Home

This movie is fun. A lot of fun. I love Night Monkey and seeing what kind of chaos can ensue when Spider-Man decides to take a road trip. My biggest complaint is that they did my boy Mysterio dirty. I don't like changing him so he has a connection to Tony Stark cuz I think Spidey should have more to do than clean up Tony's messes. But overall, this movie is enough fun that I don't think about its flaw much while I'm watching.

6. The Amazing Spider-Man

I hate that Marc Webb and Andrew Garfield decided Peter Parerk needed to be an angry skater boi. He's way too handsome for me to accept that he's a loner or that he wouldn't have girls hanging all over him. But there is so much in this movie that I love. I love watching Peter and Gwen Stacy fall in love. I love Denis Leary as Captain Stacy. I loved the snarky, wise-cracking attitude Parker has when he's in the suit. Garfield is my least favorite cinematic Parker but he's an underrated Spider-Man.

5. Spider-Man: No Way Home

I love how people are tripping all over themselves to crown this as the greatest comic book movie ever made. Recency bias is a real thing, people.

That said, this movie does a lot right. We get a lot of good interaction between Peter and his loved ones, especially in the first half of the film before the plot really kicks in. Tom Holland's performance is really strong and surprisingly heart-wrenching when it needs to be. I loved Dr. Strange's role in this movie. Overall, this movie is total fanservice and the ending is way too complicated to get involved with emotionally. But it's a good time.

4. Spider-Man

The OG Spidey flick gets the emotional stuff right on and gives us a Peter Parker that's easy to relate to and pull for. Willem Dafoe's Norman Osborn/Green Goblin gives us one of the best split personality performances to hit the screen and Tobey Maguire's stillness and soft-spokeness give us a Parker who feels convincingly real as a loner who feels unappreciated. Yeah, there have been better Spidey movies since this one but this one is still great and without it, none of the other Spidey flicks would exist.

3. Spider-Man: Homecoming

Tom Holland pretty much nails Peter Parker as a smart kid who winds up taking way too many burdens from other people. Michael Keaton is tremendous as Vulture, a perfect package of world-weary everyman and menacing villain. But what makes this movie for me is the scene where Spidey is buried under concrete and rubble and has to decide to fight. That's one of the greatest moments in comic book history and Homecoming gets it absolutely right. 

2. Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse

With all the lauding of the way No Way Home uses the multiverse, a lot of people are forgetting that Into the Spider-Verse did the multiple Spider-Men thing first. If I'm being honest, Spider-Verse also did it better than No Way Home. On top of that, it's just as emotionally satisfying as any other Spidey flick while bringing the concept of a moving comic book onscreen to full, vivid life. This movie gets better every time I watch it and doesn't have to lean on its association with the Avengers to be great.

1. Spider-Man 2

Spidey 2 is not just my favorite Spidey-flick. It's my favorite comic book movie of all time for one very simple reason. It's relatable. Ok, sure. I can't put on a skin-tight suit and go swinging around town fight crime with my spider powers. But I can totally identify with being someone who can't seem to do anything right. What stands out most about Peter in this movie is how much he struggles. He makes mistake after mistake and is driven to the point where he's so miserable, he gives up on being Spidey. This movie provides a valuable lesson about finding balance in your life. 

On top of that, it gives us the best Spidey villain. Not only is Doc Ock a really badass visual, and so much cooler than just some dude who can fly, but he gets a really great story arc that comes down to him making a decision on how he wants to go out, rather than losing to Spidey in a punching match. 

Oh, and the train fight? Best Spidey movie action scene ever.

The End