I was at a jam session tonight, just chatting about everything and nothing. My jam buddy brought up this tune and showed me this clip. It wasn't the first time I'd seen it, but I'd forgotten about it. Hilarious stuff. But, the animation's pretty rudimentary. Makes me wonder what Eric Cartman, who complained about the animation on Terrence & Phillip, would have to say about it.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
One Nerd's List of the 10 Best Comics Movies
If there's one thing that defines a nerd/geek/fanboy, it's their complete belief that their opinion is the gospel truth. It doesn't matter who the nerd is you're talking to, they'll be able to tell you why their favorite movie, comic book, writer, or director is the greatest. They'll have all sorts of info that supports their opinion. Hell, they may even produce pie graphs and flow charts. I don't have any charts or graphs, but I've decided to do a list of what I consider to be the best comic book flicks ever anyway. Because everybody has their opinion, and an opinion is just an opinion. Even if you believe it's something more.
10. V for Vendetta - The story of Evey, a young girl who is drawn into one man's fight against the corrupt goverment that runs society, V is stylish, visually beautiful, and tells a story that seems to get more relevant with every passing year. Natalie Portman gives a terrific performance that holds the whole flick together, and the action is pretty sweet.
9. The Losers - A bad-ass CIA black ops team gets framed for a crime they didn't commit, and a mysterious (and very hot) young woman shows up to help them clear their names. It's basically The A-Team, but it's also one of the most flat-out fun movies I've ever seen. The cast is stellar, especially Chris Evans, who owns every scene he's in. The action is well-shot, the script is full of snappy dialogue. The Losers has no depth, but it's so enjoyable that it's hard to care.
8. Spider-Man - Spidey's origin story stays true to the spirit of the comics, and that's what makes it work. Toby Maguire is perfectly cast as Peter Parker, hitting all the important emtional beats, from the excitement of discovering his new abilities to his devestation over losing his uncle. The scene where Pete races across the rooftops, giddy over his new powers, is the purest expression of pure joy put seen on screen since Gene Kelly danced in the rain in Singing in the Rain.
7. Batman (1989) - Okay, so Tim Burton's Bat-flick ain't exactly true to the source material. So what?! It's a giddy romp, filled with exciting visuals, crackling dialogue, and rad action scenes. Jack Nicholson may not have been acting much as The Joker, but he's still fun to watch, as is Michael Keaton's Bruce Wayne/Batman. This movie is indisputable proof that, at one time, Tim Burton was a super-talented director.
6. X2: X-Men United - The best way to sum up X2 is this: It kicks ass. From the opening scene of Nightcrawler beating down guard at the White House to the climactic throw-down between Wolverine and Lady Deathstrike, this flick is so full of killer action it sets your eyeballs to dancing. Not only that, but the characters are better developed, the tone is darker and more dramatic, the Brian Cox makes a tremendous bad guy. This flick has everything you could want in a comic book flick and then some.
5. American Splendor - Okay, I'm sure having this movie on my list makes me look like a pretentious ass. Oh well. Paul Giamatti is outstanding as a grumpy curmudgeon who just happens to make comic books. It's funny, heartfelt, and ingeniously uses blasts of animation. It may not have any superheroes in it, but American Splendor is way better than most comic book flicks.
4. Iron Man - It's all about Tony Stark. True, the action scenes are cool, and Jeff Bridges is an awesome villian. But, Robert Downy, Jr. makes this movie what it is. He's a smart-assed, self-centered rich boy who develops a more compassionate world view over the course of the film, but he remains self-absorbed. Downy is so good as Stark, it makes you wonder what comic book flicks would be like if everybody who gets cast as a superhero actually acted instead of just posing and brooding.
3. Superman - Richard Donner's Supes flick is the movie that set the standard for all other comic book flicks. It's immensely entertaining, and that's really what comic book movies should be: fun. It also stays true to the spirit of the books, and even had a few moments that tug at your heartstrings. If Zack Snyder can make a Supes film that's half as much fun as this one, he'll have done a helluva job.
2. Watchmen - Let's get the obvious out of the way: Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons' graphic novel is much better than the movie. But you know what? It's amazing how much stuff from the book wound up in the movie. And even the stuff that got omitted or changed kinda makes sense when you look at it from a movie-making point of view. Watchmen is stylish, dramatic, dark, and well-constructed. The performances are spot-on, for the most part. At the end of the day, Watchmen is a great story that's well told. You can't ask for more than that.
1. Spider-Man 2 - This is it. Usually, the best superhero stories have more to do with the hero's alter-ego and how being a hero effects his/her life. That's totally the story that's told in Spidey 2. Being a hero has made Peter Parker's life suck, and he has to decide if it's worth it. Add in great supporting performances (Rosemary Harris especially), killer action, and a way cool super villain, and you've got a great story that pulls you in and allows you to dig on the guy behind the mask as much as the mask itself. Alex Ross may not have liked Spidey 2, but he can suck it.
10. V for Vendetta - The story of Evey, a young girl who is drawn into one man's fight against the corrupt goverment that runs society, V is stylish, visually beautiful, and tells a story that seems to get more relevant with every passing year. Natalie Portman gives a terrific performance that holds the whole flick together, and the action is pretty sweet.
9. The Losers - A bad-ass CIA black ops team gets framed for a crime they didn't commit, and a mysterious (and very hot) young woman shows up to help them clear their names. It's basically The A-Team, but it's also one of the most flat-out fun movies I've ever seen. The cast is stellar, especially Chris Evans, who owns every scene he's in. The action is well-shot, the script is full of snappy dialogue. The Losers has no depth, but it's so enjoyable that it's hard to care.
8. Spider-Man - Spidey's origin story stays true to the spirit of the comics, and that's what makes it work. Toby Maguire is perfectly cast as Peter Parker, hitting all the important emtional beats, from the excitement of discovering his new abilities to his devestation over losing his uncle. The scene where Pete races across the rooftops, giddy over his new powers, is the purest expression of pure joy put seen on screen since Gene Kelly danced in the rain in Singing in the Rain.
7. Batman (1989) - Okay, so Tim Burton's Bat-flick ain't exactly true to the source material. So what?! It's a giddy romp, filled with exciting visuals, crackling dialogue, and rad action scenes. Jack Nicholson may not have been acting much as The Joker, but he's still fun to watch, as is Michael Keaton's Bruce Wayne/Batman. This movie is indisputable proof that, at one time, Tim Burton was a super-talented director.
6. X2: X-Men United - The best way to sum up X2 is this: It kicks ass. From the opening scene of Nightcrawler beating down guard at the White House to the climactic throw-down between Wolverine and Lady Deathstrike, this flick is so full of killer action it sets your eyeballs to dancing. Not only that, but the characters are better developed, the tone is darker and more dramatic, the Brian Cox makes a tremendous bad guy. This flick has everything you could want in a comic book flick and then some.
5. American Splendor - Okay, I'm sure having this movie on my list makes me look like a pretentious ass. Oh well. Paul Giamatti is outstanding as a grumpy curmudgeon who just happens to make comic books. It's funny, heartfelt, and ingeniously uses blasts of animation. It may not have any superheroes in it, but American Splendor is way better than most comic book flicks.
4. Iron Man - It's all about Tony Stark. True, the action scenes are cool, and Jeff Bridges is an awesome villian. But, Robert Downy, Jr. makes this movie what it is. He's a smart-assed, self-centered rich boy who develops a more compassionate world view over the course of the film, but he remains self-absorbed. Downy is so good as Stark, it makes you wonder what comic book flicks would be like if everybody who gets cast as a superhero actually acted instead of just posing and brooding.
3. Superman - Richard Donner's Supes flick is the movie that set the standard for all other comic book flicks. It's immensely entertaining, and that's really what comic book movies should be: fun. It also stays true to the spirit of the books, and even had a few moments that tug at your heartstrings. If Zack Snyder can make a Supes film that's half as much fun as this one, he'll have done a helluva job.
2. Watchmen - Let's get the obvious out of the way: Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons' graphic novel is much better than the movie. But you know what? It's amazing how much stuff from the book wound up in the movie. And even the stuff that got omitted or changed kinda makes sense when you look at it from a movie-making point of view. Watchmen is stylish, dramatic, dark, and well-constructed. The performances are spot-on, for the most part. At the end of the day, Watchmen is a great story that's well told. You can't ask for more than that.
1. Spider-Man 2 - This is it. Usually, the best superhero stories have more to do with the hero's alter-ego and how being a hero effects his/her life. That's totally the story that's told in Spidey 2. Being a hero has made Peter Parker's life suck, and he has to decide if it's worth it. Add in great supporting performances (Rosemary Harris especially), killer action, and a way cool super villain, and you've got a great story that pulls you in and allows you to dig on the guy behind the mask as much as the mask itself. Alex Ross may not have liked Spidey 2, but he can suck it.
Stoke Factor - April 2011
March had some pretty awesome stuff. April doesn't look to be up to that level of coolness, but maybe she'll surprise us.
Music
This flick looks like it'll either be a cheesy, hilariously stupid romp, or just plain bad. It's a roll of the dice. But the trailer had me laughing quite a bit. And it's based on an Italian horror comic. So yeah.
Also: Source Code (4/1), Hanna (4/8), Your Highness (4/8), The Conspirator (4/15)
South Park - Season 14 (4/26)
Music
Foo Fighters - Wasting Light (4/12)
You know what you're gonna get from the Fighters of Foo. Just good, old-fashioned, straight-ahead rock. And there ain't nothin' wrong with that.
Also: Burzum - The Fallen (4/5), Thursday - No Devolucion (4/12), Queens of the Stone Age - Queens of the Stone Age (4/19), Bowling for Soup - Fishin' for Woos (4/26)
Movies
Dylan Dog: Dead of Night (4/29)
Also: Source Code (4/1), Hanna (4/8), Your Highness (4/8), The Conspirator (4/15)
DVD
I haven't watched South Park on a regular basis for years, but every time I do see the show, I laugh and laugh hard. Matt Stone and Trey Parker have managed to keep the show fresh and topical without losing their edge. Kudos, guys.
Also: Tron: Legacy (4/5), Chronicles of Narnia: Voyage of the Dawn Treader (4/8), Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows - Part 1 (4/15), Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes Vols. 1, 2 (4/26)
Other
Script Frenzy (4/1 - 4/30)
What is Script Frenzy? I don't know if you could call it a competition or a contest or whatever, but the goal is to write a 100 page script for a movie, graphic novel, or stage play in 30 days. I did NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) in November and it was a blast. Here's hoping Script Frenzy is just as much fun.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Crush of the Week!!!!
COTW is kinda obsessed with Sport Illustrated swimsuit model Esti Ginzburg. Why Miss Ginzburg? Well, if you can't just by looking at her, then you're probably blind. She's blazingly hot. And that's plenty good enough to make Esti Ginzburg this week's Crush of the Week!!!!
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Back to the Classics - Spartacus
The definition of "epic", according to merriam-webster.com: extending beyond the usual or ordinary especially in size or scope.
That word totally fits Spartacus. It's three hours and change long, set amidst the long-since-shattered Roman Empire, and tells the heroic tale of a Thracian slave named Spartacus, who led an army of slaves against the military might of Rome. It spans years (at least it felt like it did) and multiple locations. In the climactic battle scene, thousands of former slave throw down with thousands of member of the Roman legions. And unlike today's movies, it's done with a buttload of extras instead of computer effects. When I say they don't make 'em like this any more, I'm not having some sort of false attack of nostalgia. They literally don't make movies this way now.
Spartacus was an interesting watch from a compare-and-contrast point of view. Take Spartacus and compare it to, say, Gladiator, a film with a similar story and themes. While the goal of both films is to have a sword-slashin', rip-roarin' good time, Spartacus sure seems to take its time getting to the good stuff. There not really any fight stuff for about the first half hour, and even then, they aren't of the knock-down, drag-out variety. Gladiator goes for the throat right from the start, with a massive battle scene where hundreds, if not thousands, of men perish violently. And even though both films are very long, Gladiator seems to be paced much faster. It's not just the fact that Gladiator's about forty-five minutes shorter than the version of Spartacus I watched. It's the length of the shots. There are many, many long takes in Spartacus, meant to show off the epic landscapes and massive number of warriors in the scenes. Gladiator keeps the shots shorter, the camera moving, and the action much more visceral.
Before you go ahead and label Spartacus a snoozer, you have to take into consideration that audiences back in the day weren't raised on video games, music videos, and Michael Bay movies. It was fine to pace a movie fairly lleisurely. On top of that, I think Kirk Douglas's performance as Spartacus is better than Russell Crowe's performance as Maximus, if only because he's given much more space to actually act. I think it did me a lot of good to sit through this film, even though I got bored. I got to see one of cinema's all-time great performances. And no tigers got ganked by gladiators, so I didn't feel sad about that.
Rats!!
Amy Adams has been cast as Lois Lane in the forthcoming Superman flick. Dammit!! Now I can't skip it!
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Axes to Grind - # 50 C.C. DeVille
Best Riff: "Talk Dirty to Me"
Best Solo: "Fallen Angel"
Other Essential Tunes: "I Want Action", "Nothin' but a Good Time", Every Rose Has Its' Thorn", "Unskinny Bop"
Biggest Achievements: Decking Brett Michaels, Rocking out despite having a Muppet-esque speaking voice.
The Curious Case of Sucker Punch
The tagline for Sucker Punch, Zack Snyder's latest flick is "You Will Be Unprepared". Talk about a freaking understatement. I was totally unprepared for how I'd feel after seeing this flick. I'm completely torn.
Looking to others for help in making up my mind has been pretty fruitless. Most film critics seem to think this flick is a complete dog turd that nobody outside of the 12-14 year-old boy crowd will like. Typical of lazy critics to judge every single damn movie they see by whether or not it's Citizen Kane. On the other hand, my buddy Clifton (check him out @ nova-corps.blogspot.com) loved it, however I feel like I have to take his recommendation with a grain of salt, 'cuz I think Mr. Snyder's his hero. Snyder could film a steaming pile of compost for two hours, and Clifton would probably rave about it. So, it looks like I'm on my own here. I'm gonna try to articulate some of my thoughts here, stuff I thought was interesting, and stuff that I think is worth talking about.
- Sucker Punch ain't original. Not by a long shot. Here's just a partial list of movies I was reminded of while I was watching: Brazil, The Matrix, An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge, Kill Bill (mostly Vol. 1), Inception (dreams within dreams), One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, Godzilla, Cabaret, The Haunted World of El Superbeasto, Saving Private Ryan, and 300. Not to mention countless animes, video games, and even that TV show Supernatural. (Seriously, the loony bin looked like the loony bin Sam and Dean scope out in one episode.) Not that there's anything wrong with that. It's virtually impossible to come up with anything 100% original anymore, and often contemporary filmmakers achieve originality through the way they take pieces of things the love and re-assemble them.
The film I thought about the most when I was watching Sucker Punch was Brazil. In that film, office drone Sam Lowery escapes the drudgery of his everyday existence by escaping into a dream world. In Sucker Punch, BabyDoll escapes her miserable situation by slipping into a dreamworld. In fact, the scenes that wrap up both Lowery's and BabyDoll's character arcs are so similar, I wondered if Snyder was directly referencing Brazil.
- The dreamscapes that Snyder and his CGI guys conjure up are pretty damn impressive. From a Japanese temple to a World War I battlefield to a castle full of orcs that appear to have escaped from Moria. These worlds are populated with all manner of nasty beasties. The fantasy worlds are so well realized, that I actually got bored when we were just watching the girls hanging out at the club.
- At the same time, toward the end of the movie, I was tired of CG. Computers have become such a crutch for filmmakers, that it seems none of them can get through a single production without using pixels to cover up some deficiency in their films. In Sucker Punch, the weakest link is the script, written by Snyder and Steve Shibuya. The dialogue is the worst kind, flat: boring, witless, and uninteresting, but not so bad that it's funny. Characters speak in short, clipped, unrevealling statements that are just meant to advance the plot. The only exception is the voice-over, in which a female narrator preaches that we have all the strength we need inside of us in declarations that wouldn't out of place at a Tony Robbins seminar. Eugh!! This seems to be a phenomenon that's becoming more and more prevalent: big movies, with eye-popping visuals skimp on good dialogue.
- It's been said that the story is a bit lacking. I don't buy that. It's a pretty simple story, actually, about a girl doing what she feels like she needs to in order to survive. I didn't have any trouble following it. The problem is that just when it looks like the story's about to get going, it grinds to a halt while the girls have big-ass action scenes. Some may argue that those action scenes are story, but they would be wrong. Every time you have a fight scene, you stop the story. Think about it.
- Of course Sucker Punch is gonna get thrashed on by critics, because critics are LAZY. If it ain't independent, or foreign, they somehow feel it won't offer them anything to think about, then they get pissed and call a popcorn flick "pretentious" if it does try to throw a little message at them. Let me repeat this: If you're watching this movie and paying attention, you shouldn't have any trouble following it. Anyone who says it's indecipherable is just looking to blame the movie for their own laziness.
- One final thought: Dear Zak Snyder, please cut it out with the damn slo-mo action shots. Slo-mo can make action very beautiful and put emphasis on very dramatic events. Just not the way you use it. It only works if you use it when you really need it. Not when every other shot is in slo-mo. On the other hand, it's nice to see a big action flick that isn't full of hand-held shaky-cam footage.
I think this movie is probably gonna bug me for a while. It didn't suck, in fact there was plenty there to think about if you're looking for it. On the other hand, it's not much fun. It's more somber than a funeral. There's no wit or humor to be found. In the end, I think Sucker Punch is a movie that's way easier to appreciate for its' visual style and ambition than to passionately love or hate. And, in some ways, that could be the worst fate it could suffer.
Looking to others for help in making up my mind has been pretty fruitless. Most film critics seem to think this flick is a complete dog turd that nobody outside of the 12-14 year-old boy crowd will like. Typical of lazy critics to judge every single damn movie they see by whether or not it's Citizen Kane. On the other hand, my buddy Clifton (check him out @ nova-corps.blogspot.com) loved it, however I feel like I have to take his recommendation with a grain of salt, 'cuz I think Mr. Snyder's his hero. Snyder could film a steaming pile of compost for two hours, and Clifton would probably rave about it. So, it looks like I'm on my own here. I'm gonna try to articulate some of my thoughts here, stuff I thought was interesting, and stuff that I think is worth talking about.
- Sucker Punch ain't original. Not by a long shot. Here's just a partial list of movies I was reminded of while I was watching: Brazil, The Matrix, An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge, Kill Bill (mostly Vol. 1), Inception (dreams within dreams), One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, Godzilla, Cabaret, The Haunted World of El Superbeasto, Saving Private Ryan, and 300. Not to mention countless animes, video games, and even that TV show Supernatural. (Seriously, the loony bin looked like the loony bin Sam and Dean scope out in one episode.) Not that there's anything wrong with that. It's virtually impossible to come up with anything 100% original anymore, and often contemporary filmmakers achieve originality through the way they take pieces of things the love and re-assemble them.
The film I thought about the most when I was watching Sucker Punch was Brazil. In that film, office drone Sam Lowery escapes the drudgery of his everyday existence by escaping into a dream world. In Sucker Punch, BabyDoll escapes her miserable situation by slipping into a dreamworld. In fact, the scenes that wrap up both Lowery's and BabyDoll's character arcs are so similar, I wondered if Snyder was directly referencing Brazil.
- The dreamscapes that Snyder and his CGI guys conjure up are pretty damn impressive. From a Japanese temple to a World War I battlefield to a castle full of orcs that appear to have escaped from Moria. These worlds are populated with all manner of nasty beasties. The fantasy worlds are so well realized, that I actually got bored when we were just watching the girls hanging out at the club.
- At the same time, toward the end of the movie, I was tired of CG. Computers have become such a crutch for filmmakers, that it seems none of them can get through a single production without using pixels to cover up some deficiency in their films. In Sucker Punch, the weakest link is the script, written by Snyder and Steve Shibuya. The dialogue is the worst kind, flat: boring, witless, and uninteresting, but not so bad that it's funny. Characters speak in short, clipped, unrevealling statements that are just meant to advance the plot. The only exception is the voice-over, in which a female narrator preaches that we have all the strength we need inside of us in declarations that wouldn't out of place at a Tony Robbins seminar. Eugh!! This seems to be a phenomenon that's becoming more and more prevalent: big movies, with eye-popping visuals skimp on good dialogue.
- It's been said that the story is a bit lacking. I don't buy that. It's a pretty simple story, actually, about a girl doing what she feels like she needs to in order to survive. I didn't have any trouble following it. The problem is that just when it looks like the story's about to get going, it grinds to a halt while the girls have big-ass action scenes. Some may argue that those action scenes are story, but they would be wrong. Every time you have a fight scene, you stop the story. Think about it.
- Of course Sucker Punch is gonna get thrashed on by critics, because critics are LAZY. If it ain't independent, or foreign, they somehow feel it won't offer them anything to think about, then they get pissed and call a popcorn flick "pretentious" if it does try to throw a little message at them. Let me repeat this: If you're watching this movie and paying attention, you shouldn't have any trouble following it. Anyone who says it's indecipherable is just looking to blame the movie for their own laziness.
- One final thought: Dear Zak Snyder, please cut it out with the damn slo-mo action shots. Slo-mo can make action very beautiful and put emphasis on very dramatic events. Just not the way you use it. It only works if you use it when you really need it. Not when every other shot is in slo-mo. On the other hand, it's nice to see a big action flick that isn't full of hand-held shaky-cam footage.
I think this movie is probably gonna bug me for a while. It didn't suck, in fact there was plenty there to think about if you're looking for it. On the other hand, it's not much fun. It's more somber than a funeral. There's no wit or humor to be found. In the end, I think Sucker Punch is a movie that's way easier to appreciate for its' visual style and ambition than to passionately love or hate. And, in some ways, that could be the worst fate it could suffer.
Friday, March 25, 2011
Was It Worth It?
Pounding beats. Roaring vocals. Guitar riffs that stagger around like a bunch of drunks leaving a bar at closing time. This Children of Bodom tune has all that and more.
Does This Rock?
I heard about this band, I See Stars, a while back, and I've been meaning to check them out for a while now. So, I finally got around to it, and low and behold, I can't decide whether they're good or not. I kind dig the guitars, and the melodies are pretty sticky. At the same time, they do kinda sound like an emo band with crunchier guitars. They've even been tagged as "Disneycore", a label that kinda makes sense to me. Part of me really kinda digs 'em, and part of me says "Hells no". What do you think? Do they rock or not?
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Almost Mormon - Chapter 4
"Sunday Best"
Church can be boring. That's not my opinion. That's a carved-in-stone fact. And that's cool. Church is about drawing close to and worshipping the Lord, not partying like Aerosmith at a Catholic girl school. My mind tends to wander, however, when whoever's doing the speaking or teaching fails to hold my interest. I start daydreaming. And before you can say "unstable molecules" my mind is light-years away from where it should be.
Sunday, I was really struggling to focus. The guy speaking was obviously very qualified and knew what he was talking about, but his tone of voice was so... gentle, I guess, that I found my mind began drifting. Usually when this happens, I wind up daydreaming that Imperial Stormtroopers blow out the doors and come in shooting. Sometimes I daydream about comic books. One time I even daydreamed that the chapel was a big Pac Man game board and there were a bunch of malevolent ghost chasing me around, But not this time.
Usually, in the halls at church, I stare at the floor, trying to avoid direct eye contact with anybody. I probably come off as creepy or unfriendly or something, but I'm just more comfortable that way. So, I've never really noticed the women in my ward. I mean, I've noticed one or two, but I haven't really paid too much attention to them. But on Sunday, as my mind wandered, I started looking around at the women in the ward, and for the first time it kinda hit me: There are some stone-cold hotties up in this hizzouse!
Now, I don't think the Lord really cares if you're window shopping at church, so long as you're not dwelling on the hotness of the surrounding females and shutting out the promptings of the Spirit. Therein lay my problem, though. I was totally one-track-minding it. I couldn't believe how many attractive females were just sitting there, less than a stone's throw away from me. And they were all dolled up, looking as lovely as they can. I left that day with about five new developing crushes, but without any real lessons learned about the Gospel.
I've had a couple of days to think about it, and I'm wondering if that was the lesson I needed to learn: to put off the natural man. The natural man is the creature you become if you bow to your base urges. It's the natural man that makes you wanna sleep in, eat too much, and curse out people that piss you off. It's the natural man, I think, that influenced me to stop listening to what was being said from the pulpit on Sunday, and instead focus on the hot little honey a couple rows in front of me. Life is very much a struggle to learn to put off the natural and live according to a higher law. It's not easy and you never know when the natural man's gonna rear up his ugly head, but the important thing is that you don't lose your focus and ignore what's really important. That what I think I needed to learn on Sunday: to put off the natural man. Either that, or the Lord wants me to finish that song I wrote hot church honeys. I'm thinking the former is more likely than the latter.
Church can be boring. That's not my opinion. That's a carved-in-stone fact. And that's cool. Church is about drawing close to and worshipping the Lord, not partying like Aerosmith at a Catholic girl school. My mind tends to wander, however, when whoever's doing the speaking or teaching fails to hold my interest. I start daydreaming. And before you can say "unstable molecules" my mind is light-years away from where it should be.
Sunday, I was really struggling to focus. The guy speaking was obviously very qualified and knew what he was talking about, but his tone of voice was so... gentle, I guess, that I found my mind began drifting. Usually when this happens, I wind up daydreaming that Imperial Stormtroopers blow out the doors and come in shooting. Sometimes I daydream about comic books. One time I even daydreamed that the chapel was a big Pac Man game board and there were a bunch of malevolent ghost chasing me around, But not this time.
Usually, in the halls at church, I stare at the floor, trying to avoid direct eye contact with anybody. I probably come off as creepy or unfriendly or something, but I'm just more comfortable that way. So, I've never really noticed the women in my ward. I mean, I've noticed one or two, but I haven't really paid too much attention to them. But on Sunday, as my mind wandered, I started looking around at the women in the ward, and for the first time it kinda hit me: There are some stone-cold hotties up in this hizzouse!
Now, I don't think the Lord really cares if you're window shopping at church, so long as you're not dwelling on the hotness of the surrounding females and shutting out the promptings of the Spirit. Therein lay my problem, though. I was totally one-track-minding it. I couldn't believe how many attractive females were just sitting there, less than a stone's throw away from me. And they were all dolled up, looking as lovely as they can. I left that day with about five new developing crushes, but without any real lessons learned about the Gospel.
I've had a couple of days to think about it, and I'm wondering if that was the lesson I needed to learn: to put off the natural man. The natural man is the creature you become if you bow to your base urges. It's the natural man that makes you wanna sleep in, eat too much, and curse out people that piss you off. It's the natural man, I think, that influenced me to stop listening to what was being said from the pulpit on Sunday, and instead focus on the hot little honey a couple rows in front of me. Life is very much a struggle to learn to put off the natural and live according to a higher law. It's not easy and you never know when the natural man's gonna rear up his ugly head, but the important thing is that you don't lose your focus and ignore what's really important. That what I think I needed to learn on Sunday: to put off the natural man. Either that, or the Lord wants me to finish that song I wrote hot church honeys. I'm thinking the former is more likely than the latter.
Back to the Classics - The Apartment
If I could have any filmmaker's career, I think I'd choose Billy Wilder. He was multi-talented. He was a great writer. And the dude could do just about anything. He directed noir classics like Double Indemnity and Sunset Boulevard, but he also did silly comedy (Some Like It Hot), courtroom drama (Witness for the Prosecution), prison escape thriller (Stalag 17), and straight-up romance (Sabrina). I think that's what made Wilder the greatest director in classic Hollywood cinema. Hitchcock was great, but he didn't really do anything other than suspense/murder mysteries. Can you imagine Hitchcock directing a comedy? Me neither.
The Apartment is an exemplary piece of Wilder's work because it doesn't really fit into any one genre. It's funny, but it's not a pure comedy. It's dramatic, but it's got too many laughs to be a straight-up drama. There's romance, but it's not really a love story. And yet, it's a great film because it seems a bit more like real life than other flicks that settle comfortably into an established genre. Life isn't all drama, or romance, or comedy. It's composed of elements of each of these plus so much more.
The Apartment is about C.C. "Bud" Baxter (Jack Lemmon), an office drone in an enormous insurance company. Eager to rise through the ranks and get away from being a peon, Bud lends his apartment to company big-wigs who need a place to have extra-marital affairs. It's working for Bud. He gets promoted, gets his own office,and everything seems to be going pretty well, until he falls Fran Kubelik (Shirley McClaine), a pretty elevator operator. Fran's already involved with Jeff Sheldrake (Fred MacMurray), but he won't leave his wife for her. Tension arises between the three characters, as Bud wants Fran, Fran wants Mr. Sheldrake, and Mr. Sheldrake just wants to screw around on his wife.
The defining event of the film occurs when Fran, heartsick over the fact Mr. Sheldrake won't leave his wife, attempts to kill herself by O.D.ing on sleeping pills in Bud's apartment. Bud nurses her back to health, and realizes that he doesn't want to be alone any more, and that he digs on Fran. He also struggles with how to keep his forward progress at work going without feeling like he's lost his soul. Wilder throws the whole thing together in a way that gets you laughing, but also gets you pulling for Bud to figure things out. Bud's journey is one that sees him become something a bit ugly (i.e. a corporate sell-out) and then regain his sense of self. It's a good story.
Performance-wise, Lemmon is extremely appealing, able to be funny, while not taking away form the drama of the situations he find himself in. It's a difficult line to walk, but Lemmon does it in an almost effortless way. McClaine is fantastic as a broken woman who has to learn to recognise a good thing when she sees it. My favorite performance in the flick is MacMurray's. Sheldrake is a completely slimy scumbag, who abuses his power at work and doesn't appreciate his family at home. I'm not sure how Wilder got Mr. Disney Dad to be so good at playing morally compromised characters, but I'm glad he did. Throw in some great work from the supporting cast, and you've got the makings of a classic that may be even more relevant today than it was when it was made.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Why, Yes, The Universe is Still Expanding
You probably can't tell from the stuff I've posted here, but I'm pretty messed up in the head. I'm not sure how it started, or how I let get this bad, but I'm scared of pretty much everything these days. Women. Responsibility. Cottage Cheese. (Well, maybe not that last one.) You get the picture. As I've allowed anxiety to take over my life, I've become a shut-in. Recently, I started counselling to try to get a handle on my anxiety. I've learned that the more you cut yourself off from the world, the more your universe collapses in on you. You have fewer friends, get fewer opportunities, and as a result, you kinda get trapped in a tiny little cage. A cage of your mind's making. A cage of the spirit. (Get it, Clifton?)
Oddly enough, even though I've only been doing the counselling thing for a few weeks, things seem to be opening up a bit. I'm feeling a tad bit less nervous about going out and being around other people. I've a made a few new friends. Hopefully, this continues and I can get back to the point where I can function like a regular-ass person.
That brings me to my point: There are many things that people can use to symbolize the size of their universes. Their friends, their significant other, certain material possessions. Stuff like that. I've decided that the directory in my phone is about the best thing I have to symbolize the size of my universe. Now, I've never been one of those folks who has hundreds of numbers in his/her directory. But, generally, it seems that the more numbers I have in my phone directory, the happier I am and the better things are going for me. Things seem to be looking up lately. I know that because I've put four new numbers in my phone in the last week. Now, if only those numbers belonged to pretty women...
Oddly enough, even though I've only been doing the counselling thing for a few weeks, things seem to be opening up a bit. I'm feeling a tad bit less nervous about going out and being around other people. I've a made a few new friends. Hopefully, this continues and I can get back to the point where I can function like a regular-ass person.
That brings me to my point: There are many things that people can use to symbolize the size of their universes. Their friends, their significant other, certain material possessions. Stuff like that. I've decided that the directory in my phone is about the best thing I have to symbolize the size of my universe. Now, I've never been one of those folks who has hundreds of numbers in his/her directory. But, generally, it seems that the more numbers I have in my phone directory, the happier I am and the better things are going for me. Things seem to be looking up lately. I know that because I've put four new numbers in my phone in the last week. Now, if only those numbers belonged to pretty women...
Monday, March 21, 2011
Back to the Classics - Yankee Doodle Dandy
I was watching a documentary about James Cagney, one of the classic cinema's most bad-ass tough guys. It seems that if Cagney was shooting a fight scene he always made sure he was beating on someone who was bigger than he was. He did this because he expend so much energy that it would look like he was beating the holy living crap outta dudes his own size. Cagney was only 5'6", but if he wasn't beatin' on someone bigger than he was, his fights looked extremely one-sided. That's awesome.
I got to know Cagney as that tough guy, the dudes from The Public Enemy, Angels with Dirty Faces, and White Heat. So when I heard there was a movie where Cagney sang and danced and bounced around like a rubber ball in front of the camera, I was a bit suspicious. This couldn't be for real could it? And if it was, it had to suck, right? Wrong! Cagney does indeed sing and dance his way through Yankee Doodle Dandy, but it's actually very impressive.
It's not just that Cagney sings and dances, it's that he seems to expend no effort at all doing it. That may be what dropped my jaw the most. It's so easy for him. He looks as natural prancing around on a stage in Dandy as he does shooting at cops in White Heat. I didn't know Cagney did Vaudeville when he was a kid, and that explains why he's so good. But it doesn't make it any less shocking, at least to me.
While Cagney's performance is enough to make Dandy a must-see, there a lot more good stuff going on here. This movie probably contains more American spirit and pride than any movie I've ever seen. The story's about the life of singer/actor/writer/dancer George M. Cohan, who wrote such songs as "Over There", "You're a Grand Old Flag", and, obviously, "Yankee Doodle Dandy". Cohan's story is a prototypical American success story: a guy with talent and ambition works his way from the bottom of Show Biz all the may to the highest heights of Broadway success. It's full of flag-waving anthems, extolling the virtues the make America great. If you're American and can watch this film without feeling your chest swelling a bit with pride and love for your country, you best pack your bags and move to Europe or something.
Great songs, great dance numbers, a killer performance from the legendary Cagney, and very good work from the rest of the cast make this truly a movie worth watching. Still, if you only know Jimmy Cagney as a tough guy you may wanna tie your mouth shut. Otherwise, your jaw's gonna end up dropping through the floor.
Crush of the Week!!
This week, COTW's crushing pretty hardcore on the gorgeous Emmy Rossum. Miss Rossum has kinda broken out of late because of her role on Showtime's Shameless, a role which apparently requires her to have difficulties keeping her clothes on (COTW hasn't seen it). She's also appeared in The Day After Tomorrow, Joel Schumacher's Phantom of the Opera, and everybody's favorite flick, DragonBall: Evolution. Miss Rossum is also a bit of a singing sensation, and released a CD called Inside Out a while back. Doesn't really matter what she's doing, Emmy Rossum, this week's Crush of the Week is so hot, COTW'd watch her read definitions out of a dictionary.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
The Greatest Movies I've Ever Seen - Double Indemnity
The term "film noir" conjures up very specific imagery. It usually involves beautiful black and white images of sexy, lethal babes, in-over-their-heads protagonists running down dark, wet streets, and smoke-filled room lit by light streaming through Venetian blinds. I fell in love with film noir while I was in school. The movies were so gritty and real, and the theme of every single noir flick seemed to be "Women are evil". Since I was struggling with my love life, I totally bought into that concept, hook, line and sinker.
Double Indemnity is, in many ways, the quintessential film noir. It has the visual look, the femme fatale, the over-matched hero who ain't very heroic, and a story full of deceit, sex, and murder. The story involves an insurance salesman who falls for a dame who manipulates him into killing her husband for her. Our "hero", Walter Neff (Fred MacMurray), is a normal dude who sees something he wants and does bad things to get it. The object of his affection, Phyllis Dietrichson (Barbara Stanwyck), is just plain evil, hooking Neff, drawing him in, and then planning to discard him the very minute she has what she wants. It's a sick relationship that ultimately dooms both parties.
Also playing a big role is Barton Keyes (Edward G. Robinson), a claims examiner who knows when something fishy is going on with a claim. In many ways, Keyes is really the one who gets betrayed by Neff's actions. Keyes and Neff are very close, and it's a bit heartbreaking to see how let down Keyes is when he discovers Neff's dark deeds.
Billy Wilder directed this movie, and it stands as evidence of his filmmaking genius. That dude could do anything, from light comedy to the darkest of film noir. If I could emulate any one old-school director, it would be Wilder, because he was so versatile. Hitchcock made great suspense films, but I never got the feeling he could really do anything else. Wilder could do it all.
I still love this film. The dialogue is outstanding, full of sharp wit. The actors hold up their end of the deal, too, especially Stanwyck and Robinson. And it's awesome to see that MacMurray could play something other than a Disney dad. The film looks amazing. And the themes, about fate, and how our actions catch up to us, are brilliantly illuminated. Oh yeah, and if you're thinking that women are evil, this film will just confirm that suspicion.
R.V.ing with the Alien
There seems to be a movie marketing scheme running amok lately, where filmgoers are admonished to be a part of the action. We see trailers all the time where visually exciting shots of explosions and otherworldly monsters or superheroes intercut with title cards where catchphrases like "THIS SUMMER... JOIN... THE RESISTANCE" or "THIS APRIL... TAKE... BACK... THE POWER" whoosh across the screen at us in huge blocky letters. Maybe it's a sly strategy. Maybe some movie fans see these ads and think they have a stake in saving the hot, young female lead from the grotesque creatures that want to befoul her. It never work on me, I think because most movies I see this type of hyping attached to don't look very interesting. But there was a movie that could hook me into going with that kind of sales pitch, it'd be Paul.
I want to live in the world the characters in Paul inhabit. I want to have a kick-ass collection of rad t-shirts. I want to road trip with an extraterrestrial. I've always thought that if aliens are real, it makes this world a lot more interesting. Seeing a story about two geeks who hang out at Comic-Con and meet a potty-mouthed spaceman actually kinda connects with me at a very personal level.
I was reminded of the year an old friend and I drove to Comic-Con. It was just us two, with our home-made Gonk droid along for the ride. We didn't get to meet any spacemen (Hell, I couldn't even get the sack up to talk to one of those blazingly hot, scantily-clad anime chicks), but it really was the trip of a lifetime. I could even identify with Clive (Nick Frost) when he was bummed out and felt that interlopers were ruining what was supposed to a very special experience (My buddy spent almost the whole con talking to some girl on the phone). It hit me a little harder than it probably should have.
Paul is actually a just a silly little romp of a movie. It brings nothing new to the buddy-road-trip movie formula. But if you like Nick Frost and Simon Pegg, you'll dig this flick. And may even wish you had a best friend like Graeme or Clive before it's over.
(This probably ain't the best review I've ever written. I'm in a wierd headspace right now. I apologize.)
Friday, March 18, 2011
Soundtrack of My Life
Vinnie Vincent Invasion - All Systems Go
Here's a little story about Vinnie Vincent. He's the guy who replaced Ace Frehley in KISS while the band was in the studio making the Creatures of the Night record. He co-wrote tunes such as "I Love It Loud", recording and touring with KISS until he left at the end of the Lick It Up tour. Over the years, rumours surfaced that he was an egomaniac and an asshole in general, but the roots many of those rumours can be traced back to his difficulties in KISS, and Gene Simmons and Paul Stanely aren't exactly the most humble of cats. Plus, they screwed Vinnie out of royalties.
I didn't know any of that stuff when I picked up All Systems Go, the sophomore record by Vinnie's post-KISS project the Vinnie Vincent Invasion. I honestly think I picked it up 'cuz I saw a picture of them in a Metal Edge magazine and thought "They look like they might be cool". That's a bad way to pick the music you listen to, but in this case, it paid off for me. All Systems Go is the record I credit with helping to establish my love for shredding guitar solos.
VVI sound a lot like most other hair metal bands. It's all about roaring guitars and squealing vocals. Robert Fleischman, who had sung Journey, sang on the first VVI album, but Mark Slaughter took over the vocals on All Systems Go. It's kinda hard to believe a man can sing that high, without singing in falsetto or being surgically altered. Most of the tune on Systems are about sex ("Dirty Rhythm, "Naughty Naughty", "Heavy Pettin'"), and on those tunes Slaughter moans like Robert Plant, and ends up sounding like Plant if he got kicked in the nads. Slaughter's a little better on the "tough" rock songs, like "Let Freedom Rock" and "Breakout". Surprisingly, I really dug the rhythm section's playing on Systems. Bassist Dana Strum is a great unsung talent, mainly because of the music he played. His basslines are nice and tight. They hold down the groove, but the also just sounded COOL. I can't articulate it. Drummer Bobby Rock provides plenty of head-bang ready whoosh-bash drum grooves that make everything rock.
With all of that going on, Systems is still all about Vinnie Vincent and his guitar work. Vinnie knew how to write a catchy riff. "Ashes to Ashes" rips off "Immigrant Song", but still manages to get stuck in your head. Actually, it might get stuck in your head because it rips off "Immigrant Song". The verses of "Let Freedom Rock" feature some cool bluesy riffs. "Burn" and "Breakout" also feature catchy, killer riffs. But it's on his solos the Vinnie really shines, and it's for an unlikely reason: he's actually kind of a terrible guitarist. Great guitarists have taste and know that much of the time, what you don't play is just as important as what you play. Vinnie has absolutely no taste, choosing to spray notes all over like water out of a fire hose. He's a bit like Yngwie Malmsteen in that he can't possibly play just two notes if he has room for twenty. Unlike Mr. Malmsteen, however, Vinnie isn't a pretentious ass trying to drag loosey-goosey rock and roll into the rigid world of classical music. Vinnie just wants to shred, and shred he does. It's kinda fun to hear him just flooring the pedal and playing with a total disregard to melody. Even though his tone is screechy and shrill, bit like what you'd hear if you slammed Godzilla's tail in a gigantic car door, you can't stop listening 'cuz you want to hear what he comes up with next. Actually, Vinnie does play for melody on the slower numbers, like "Love Kills" and "That Time of Year", but he's more interesting when he's noodling fast and furious.
I loved All Systems Go from the first moment I heard it. I played it and re-played it in a constant loop during the summer of 1988. I loved every last screaming note emitted from Vinnie's axe. This was the record that made me aware of guitar solos as technical exercises, and I only got more and more interested in shredding. Eventually, that was the main ingredient that made an album rock for me. I don't really think that way anymore, and realize that the perfect guitar solo doesn't have to have a billion notes as long as it sounds bad ass. But, that doesn't stop me from occasionally popping All Systems Go into my cassette player (that's right, I said cassette player) and cranking the volume. Besides, Vinnie's solos really piss off my neighbor's dog.
Back to the Classics - The Third Man
The first time I saw The Third Man, I was at the height of my Citizen Kane-mania. "Citizen Kane fracking rules," I thought, "and here's another movie with Orson Welles and Joseph Cotten!!" I was sure this movie would rule. I was a bit surprised that I didn't love this movie as much as I thought I would. It wasn't Kane. It wasn't even close.
Watching The Third Man again after all these years, it occurs to me that it's a very good thing that it's so different from Kane. There are plenty of similarities, to be sure. Cotten and Welles once again play old friends. The story revolves around the idea of whether we can ever really know someone. Even the looks of the film seems to borrow from Kane's use of deep focus cinematography. But this movie is more of a foreign-made film noir than Kane's biographical drama. And it's a nifty story at that.
We first meet Holly Martins (Cotten), a writer of western novels as he gets of a train in Vienna. He's come for a job his school buddy Harry Lime (Welles) has set up for him. Right off the bat, he finds out Lime's been killed, hit by a car. Martins decides to figure out the truth surrounding Lime's demise. His search for truth brings him into contact with Lime's friends in Vienna, his lover Anna (Alida Valli), and the possibility that his old friend may not be a very decent guy. Not only is Lime not decent, he ain't even dead, as Martins finds out when he shows up in a doorway late one night, one of cinema's most dramatic character entrances. I'm not spoiling anything because a.) the movie's been out for over sixty years, and b.) Welles is shown in costume as Harry Lime on the cover of the DVD.
The first time I watched The Third Man, I kept waiting and waiting for Welles to show up, and I didn't pay as close attention as I should have. This last time, I got a lot out of watching Cotten play Martins. He's a man stuck in an impossible situation. His buddy is a scumbag and deserves to rot in prison, but he's still his buddy. It's only after he witness the dark side of Lime's racketeerring activities that Martins finally decides to do what needs to be done. It's a fascinating performance by Cotten, playing a guy of somewhat questionable moral fiber who has to decide to do the right thing. Good Stuff.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
How to Deal with Your Woman Problems
This week has been kinda crappy for me. I'm in a situation with woman that I don't really want to be in. I don't wanna get to far into it, so I'll just say that it re-affirms my belief that the only girls that are interested in me are girls I have no interest in. Also, I reminds me that I'm shallow. Anyway, I was over at my sister and brother-in-law's house the other night, watching Dexter and to get my mind right. I was moping to my brother about my "problem" (when I really think about it I realize how lame I'm being) when I hear my 9-year-old nephew pipe up. "You should just smack her", he said. Cue the belly laughs. After I guffawed until my sides hurt, I realized one reason why being a kid is so freaking cool: everything, even the most complex problem, can be solved through simple means. It's also cool that you can say almost anything and get away with it when you're a kid.
Back to the Classics - Bullit
When you go see an action flick nowadays, you're likely to be treated to nearly non-stop ass-kicking and violence, usually on an epic scale. Today's filmmakers do their damnedest to obliterate every last synapse from your head. But things weren't always this way. Action used to build in action flicks and suspense was much more prevalent.
Take Bullit, for example. It's an example of what was an extremely action-packed movie back in the day. And yet, it seems fairly leisurely paced, with long quiet sequences sandwiched around noisy chase scenes. There's gunplay, but a relatively small amount. Action movies didn't really go through bullets like they were goin' out of style back then.
Then again, Bullit has been sited as one of the films, along with movies like The French Connection, that really helped set the table for the action extravaganzas of today. You might think it's because of the revolutionary car chase that occupies the middle of the film, and there's plenty of truth to that. But I happen to think it's been more influential in the way its story is structured.
In Bullit, Steve McQueen plays Detective Frank Bullit, a fast-driving, hard-living detective. He's tasked with protecting Johnny Ross, a witness for a big Senate case involving Walter Chalmers (Robert Vaughn). Ross gets killed in his hotel room, leading Chalmers to start putting the squeeze on the cops. Soon, Bullit's chasing mysterious men in a Dodge Charger, running down leads that suggest the dead Ross may not be the real Ross, and ultimately chasing a dude around an airport. The story is actually fairly clunky and nonsensical, and it's also subservient to the film's two main goals: have some awesome action, and make McQueen look cool. Which, incidently, seem to be the two main goals of every contemporary action flick: have ass-kicking action, and make the hero look cool. Story be damned.
The action scenes in Bullit may have been revolutionary back then, but they seem rather tame now. Still, it's hard not to admire the fact that the filmmakers took a Ford Mustang and a Dodge Charger out on real roads and drove them really damn fast. Nowadays, it seems way to easy for directors to make chaotic, exciting chase scenes. If everything seems a bit engeryless, they drop in a few digital cars and smash 'em up. The driving in Bullit is all real driving and the cars are all real cars, and there's something very cool about that.
As for other action scenes in the film, they seem a bit deliberately paced. The climactic showdown at the airport is a very long scene, and is more about the tension of whether or not Bullit's gonna catch the bad guy. To be honest, I got a bit bored here, although I know that's just the contemporary movie fan in me. Still, I'm struck by how much more exciting action scenes are now. With hand-held cameras, special camera rigs, and better technology, film crews are much more adept at blowing stuff up now.
On to Bullit's second main goal: Make McQueen look cool. Well, mission accomplished! McQueen doesn't have to really do anything to look like the money. The way he opens a car door, the way moves through the frame, the way he doesn't seem to be expending any effort, even in the midst of a high-speed pursuit. It's like nothing can touch him. McQueen doesn't have a ton of dialogue in Bullit, but that's 'cuz he doesn't really need it. He can say anything he needs to say with his eyes. Those are some intense peepers, and when he gives you one of his hard looks, it kinda freezes your blood. Hell, Bullit looks awesome even though he spends most the movie dressed in a turtleneck sweater and a sports jacket. When you can pull that look off, you know you've got the cool thing down cold.
Overall, I can't say I'd watch Bullit again. It had some very good scenes. Jacqueline Bisset is beautiful to look at. Robert Vaughn play a sleazy politician the way only Robert Vaughn can. The car chase is pretty awesome. And Steve McQueen's a BAD (wait for it...) ASS. But, the pace is a little too slow. On the plus side, I liked it enough that I'm totally stoked to check out more of McQueen's work. Plus I want to understand why all those jokes in Chicken Run are so funny, so I gotta check out The Great Escape.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Back to the Classics - High Noon
I've been feelin' the need to rekindle my love for classic movies lately. In school, I was fed a steady diet of great old Hollywood pictures, as well as a number of highly-regarded foreign films. And since I sometimes can't figure out stuff to blog about, I figured I might as well make this a new regular post. Enjoy.
I've never really enjoyed westerns. I blame my dad, who never liked a movie unless it had John Wayne in it or if it took place in the Old West. I just never understood what made westerns so great. You could see violence in action flicks and we lived in a desert, so it's not like the setting was anything out of the ordinary. Over the years I've grown to appreciate a few westerns, though. Any great movie of any genre rises above the limitations or trapping of that genre and becomes just a great watch.
That's why I decided to check out High Noon. I don't know much about Gary Cooper and I'm not in love with westerns (although I just may be in love with Grace Kelly), but this movie has such a towering reputation I just felt like I had to watch it. The story's pretty simple. Marshal Will Kane (Cooper) gets married and is on his way out of town at the start of the film. He turns around when he hears Frank Miller (Ian McDonald, not the comic book dude), a crook he put away, is coming back to town. He spends most of the rest of the film searching for help from the townspeople, without much success. Even his own wife, Amy (Grace Kelly), refuses to assist him.
High Noon is a very different kind of western. By the early 1950's (High Noon came out in 1952), Hollywood westerns were awash in epic technicolor vistas and archetypal characters. The good guys were fearless, stoic types who could stare down the barrel of a gun without flinching. The bad guys were scummy-looking, evil, and, much of the time, cowardly. High Noon flipped the script on the western formula. It was shot in stark black and white, and it's hero, Marshal Kane is a bit more complex of a character than most western heroes. He's dedicated to his duty, to the point that he goes back to defend the town even after he resigns as marshal. He even stays after it's clear nobody in town will help him. What makes Kane different is that he's visibly scared. He knows there's little chance he'll make it out of his confrontation with Miller and his boys alive. Most western heroes didn't show fear, probably because studio heads felt audiences wanted he-man manly men type heroes on their screens.
What I really dug about this movie is that you could see it as an essential part of the DNA of many action films that came out later. One man, a reluctant hero, has to stand outnumbered against the threat. That's the plot of Die Hard, Rambo, and just about every single kung fu flick I've ever seen. High Noon is also great for the things it says that aren't quite so obvious. It was made at a time that many in Hollywood were under suspicion of being Communists. These poor folks were abandoned by many of their friends and forced to face charges made against them on their own. It's much the same for Marshal Kane. His friends forsake him in his most desperate hour. I suppose many of us have felt that same way: stuck in a seemingly impossible situation with no one to help. You could even stretch it far enough to see Christian overtones. After all, Jesus couldn't find anyone willing to stay up with him in Gethsemane. Part of what the movie said to me is that it's okay to be scared. And that's kinda comforting, 'cuz it's a scary world.
Overall, High Noon is a very enjoyable film with a very human heart. Gary Cooper gives a magnificent performance, and the way the film is put together is like a film school for how to make a suspense picture. If you like old movies and you haven't seen this one, pick it up.
I've never really enjoyed westerns. I blame my dad, who never liked a movie unless it had John Wayne in it or if it took place in the Old West. I just never understood what made westerns so great. You could see violence in action flicks and we lived in a desert, so it's not like the setting was anything out of the ordinary. Over the years I've grown to appreciate a few westerns, though. Any great movie of any genre rises above the limitations or trapping of that genre and becomes just a great watch.
That's why I decided to check out High Noon. I don't know much about Gary Cooper and I'm not in love with westerns (although I just may be in love with Grace Kelly), but this movie has such a towering reputation I just felt like I had to watch it. The story's pretty simple. Marshal Will Kane (Cooper) gets married and is on his way out of town at the start of the film. He turns around when he hears Frank Miller (Ian McDonald, not the comic book dude), a crook he put away, is coming back to town. He spends most of the rest of the film searching for help from the townspeople, without much success. Even his own wife, Amy (Grace Kelly), refuses to assist him.
High Noon is a very different kind of western. By the early 1950's (High Noon came out in 1952), Hollywood westerns were awash in epic technicolor vistas and archetypal characters. The good guys were fearless, stoic types who could stare down the barrel of a gun without flinching. The bad guys were scummy-looking, evil, and, much of the time, cowardly. High Noon flipped the script on the western formula. It was shot in stark black and white, and it's hero, Marshal Kane is a bit more complex of a character than most western heroes. He's dedicated to his duty, to the point that he goes back to defend the town even after he resigns as marshal. He even stays after it's clear nobody in town will help him. What makes Kane different is that he's visibly scared. He knows there's little chance he'll make it out of his confrontation with Miller and his boys alive. Most western heroes didn't show fear, probably because studio heads felt audiences wanted he-man manly men type heroes on their screens.
What I really dug about this movie is that you could see it as an essential part of the DNA of many action films that came out later. One man, a reluctant hero, has to stand outnumbered against the threat. That's the plot of Die Hard, Rambo, and just about every single kung fu flick I've ever seen. High Noon is also great for the things it says that aren't quite so obvious. It was made at a time that many in Hollywood were under suspicion of being Communists. These poor folks were abandoned by many of their friends and forced to face charges made against them on their own. It's much the same for Marshal Kane. His friends forsake him in his most desperate hour. I suppose many of us have felt that same way: stuck in a seemingly impossible situation with no one to help. You could even stretch it far enough to see Christian overtones. After all, Jesus couldn't find anyone willing to stay up with him in Gethsemane. Part of what the movie said to me is that it's okay to be scared. And that's kinda comforting, 'cuz it's a scary world.
Overall, High Noon is a very enjoyable film with a very human heart. Gary Cooper gives a magnificent performance, and the way the film is put together is like a film school for how to make a suspense picture. If you like old movies and you haven't seen this one, pick it up.
Axes to Grind: The Preamble - Part Three
Making lists can be a pain in the booty. All that organizing, and categorizing, and numericalizing. You know what I mean. List can be so much work that it's sometimes difficult to know where to start. One really good way I've found to get started is to list who ain't on the list. It gets you thinking about who is on the list, as well as eliminates some options so there's less to think about.
When it comes to my favorite guitarists, they're exactly that: my favorite guitarists. Not the greatest ever. Not the most influential. Just the guys I dig the most. With that in mind, these dudes didn't make the list of my 50 favorite players. I respect some of them, and some of them are over-rated hacks, but since this is my list, I don't have to be objective.
-Ace Frehley and Paul Stanley
Kiss has like one good song, "Detroit Rock City". The rest of the time, they sound pretty lame. If they hadn't worn costumes and make-up back in the 70's, nobody would know who they are.
- Jeff Beck and Eric Clapton
These two dudes are incredibly influential and well-respected, and I've liked what I've heard from them. I just simply don't listen to either of them enough.
- Billie Joe Armstrong
A great songwriter and a good rhythm player, but that's it.
- David Gilmour
This dude played my favorite guitar solo of all time ("Comfortably Numb"), but Pink Floyd are kinda hit or miss with me.
- Kurt Cobain
One of the most over-rated dudes to ever pick up a guitar. He played to support the song, and there's something to be said for that. And he was a terrific songwriter. But a great guitar player? Hell no!!
- Jack White
See Kurt Cobain.
- Kirk Hammett
I never really found Hammett's solos all that interesting. Besides, Hetfield's riffing is what make Metallica rock.
- Ritchie Blackmore
Great, great player, but I rarely listen to him.
- Brian Setzer
This dude is bad ass, and if I were to do this list in a few years, he'd probably be on it. But, right now I'm just getting acquainted with his music, so he's not on this list.
- The Dudes from Korn
The ability to detune a seven-string guitar and make a lot of rumbling noise does not make you a good guitarist.
- Mick Mars
Motley Crue had some good tunes, and Mars wrote some cool riffs. Just not enough.
- The Edge
He's a very intelligent dude, with a unique approach to the instrument. It's just too bad he plays in a band with Bono.
- Tom Morello
So, you can make your guitar sound like a turntable. Whoopee!! All his riffs were stolen from Jimmy Page and his tone has always been a bit too squishy.
There are plenty of other well-regarded guys who aren't making my list, but I'm getting a little tired of typing, and these are the big ones I wanted to get out there. Anyway, the next Axes post kicks off the dudes who made the list. This should be fun.
When it comes to my favorite guitarists, they're exactly that: my favorite guitarists. Not the greatest ever. Not the most influential. Just the guys I dig the most. With that in mind, these dudes didn't make the list of my 50 favorite players. I respect some of them, and some of them are over-rated hacks, but since this is my list, I don't have to be objective.
-Ace Frehley and Paul Stanley
Kiss has like one good song, "Detroit Rock City". The rest of the time, they sound pretty lame. If they hadn't worn costumes and make-up back in the 70's, nobody would know who they are.
- Jeff Beck and Eric Clapton
These two dudes are incredibly influential and well-respected, and I've liked what I've heard from them. I just simply don't listen to either of them enough.
- Billie Joe Armstrong
A great songwriter and a good rhythm player, but that's it.
- David Gilmour
This dude played my favorite guitar solo of all time ("Comfortably Numb"), but Pink Floyd are kinda hit or miss with me.
- Kurt Cobain
One of the most over-rated dudes to ever pick up a guitar. He played to support the song, and there's something to be said for that. And he was a terrific songwriter. But a great guitar player? Hell no!!
- Jack White
See Kurt Cobain.
- Kirk Hammett
I never really found Hammett's solos all that interesting. Besides, Hetfield's riffing is what make Metallica rock.
- Ritchie Blackmore
Great, great player, but I rarely listen to him.
- Brian Setzer
This dude is bad ass, and if I were to do this list in a few years, he'd probably be on it. But, right now I'm just getting acquainted with his music, so he's not on this list.
- The Dudes from Korn
The ability to detune a seven-string guitar and make a lot of rumbling noise does not make you a good guitarist.
- Mick Mars
Motley Crue had some good tunes, and Mars wrote some cool riffs. Just not enough.
- The Edge
He's a very intelligent dude, with a unique approach to the instrument. It's just too bad he plays in a band with Bono.
- Tom Morello
So, you can make your guitar sound like a turntable. Whoopee!! All his riffs were stolen from Jimmy Page and his tone has always been a bit too squishy.
There are plenty of other well-regarded guys who aren't making my list, but I'm getting a little tired of typing, and these are the big ones I wanted to get out there. Anyway, the next Axes post kicks off the dudes who made the list. This should be fun.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
The Bad Attitude Day Playlist
I'm not in a very good mood today. I could explain but it's a loooooonnnnng story, and I'm pretty sure it's kinda boring. When I feel like I do today, I like to hear music that's as ill-tempered and snotty as I am. Songs about hating the world and how everybody sucks. Songs like these.
1. "I Hope You Die" by Bloodhound Gang
2. "Disciple" by Slayer ("God hates us all!! God hates us all!!")
3. "Clones" by Ash (For those times when every single person you encounter seems like the same person. Like when you visit Rexburg, ID)
4. "We're Not Gonna Take It" by Twisted Sister (Yeah!! Insubordination rules!!!)
5. "I Hate Myself and Want to Die" by Nirvana
6. "Vote with a Bullet" by Corrosion of Conformity (This would fix the government. Or we could ship every single politician to a deserted island and have 'em fight it out Battle Royale style.)
7. "Everything About You" by Ugly Kid Joe
8. "Worker's Song" by Dropkick Murphys (Translation: Rich people really, really suck.)
9. "Problems" by The Sex Pistols
10. "I Hate" by Overkill
11. "Down in a Hole" by Alice In Chains (Day like today make me just wanna lay down and die.)
12. "We Care a Lot" by Faith No More (I sense just a smidgen of sarcasm here.)
13. "People = Shit" by Slipknot
14. "Mr. Bad Luck" by Jimi Hendrix (For days when nothing is going right)
15. "Slob" by Weezer (For days when you just wanna be left alone)
16. "You're Better Off Dead" by Children of Bodom
17. "Don't Call Me Dude" by Scatterbrain
18. "Some Heads Are Gonna Roll" by Judas Priest
19. "Like You Better Dead" by In Flames
20. "You Suck" by The Murmurs
Phew! There's a lot of anger in the room right now.
1. "I Hope You Die" by Bloodhound Gang
2. "Disciple" by Slayer ("God hates us all!! God hates us all!!")
3. "Clones" by Ash (For those times when every single person you encounter seems like the same person. Like when you visit Rexburg, ID)
4. "We're Not Gonna Take It" by Twisted Sister (Yeah!! Insubordination rules!!!)
5. "I Hate Myself and Want to Die" by Nirvana
6. "Vote with a Bullet" by Corrosion of Conformity (This would fix the government. Or we could ship every single politician to a deserted island and have 'em fight it out Battle Royale style.)
7. "Everything About You" by Ugly Kid Joe
8. "Worker's Song" by Dropkick Murphys (Translation: Rich people really, really suck.)
9. "Problems" by The Sex Pistols
10. "I Hate" by Overkill
11. "Down in a Hole" by Alice In Chains (Day like today make me just wanna lay down and die.)
12. "We Care a Lot" by Faith No More (I sense just a smidgen of sarcasm here.)
13. "People = Shit" by Slipknot
14. "Mr. Bad Luck" by Jimi Hendrix (For days when nothing is going right)
15. "Slob" by Weezer (For days when you just wanna be left alone)
16. "You're Better Off Dead" by Children of Bodom
17. "Don't Call Me Dude" by Scatterbrain
18. "Some Heads Are Gonna Roll" by Judas Priest
19. "Like You Better Dead" by In Flames
20. "You Suck" by The Murmurs
Phew! There's a lot of anger in the room right now.
Monday, March 14, 2011
Is There Life Without Football?
Well, they finally did it. The money-hungry billionaire NFL owners locked out the money-hungry millionaire NFL players over an inability to negotiate a new collective bargaining agreement. Both sides are pointing fingers, saying the other side is at fault and will be responsible if any games are missed. While very rich men argue over how to split up a big-ass $9 billion pie, fans are left to try to figure out why they have to now add the possibility of no NFL games to an ever-growing list of grievances.
No matter which side you blame (and for the record, I blame the owners. After all, they opted out of the CBA during a time of unprecedented NFL popularity and profitability.), one thing is certain: any one who says they care about the fans is completely full of it. This is all about money, and that's all. The feelings of the fans probably didn't enter into the minds of the owners or the players for even a microsecond. And yet, they all seem to expect us to forgive and forget. They're sure we'll all still be there once things are resolved.
Problem is, fans are already kinda getting hosed by the league. Owners have been allowed to raise ticket prices and pile on additional fees, like parking, to the point where most average fans can't afford to go out to games. The league has whored out its brand to the point where Vivid Video (that's a porno studio, kids) could advertise during an NFL game and it really wouldn't surprise me. Seriously, you can't go two minutes without some stupid beer ad coming on or some geezer hocking pharmaceutical products that combat E.D. I wish that was it, but the game itself is starting to get less interesting. Rules changes have tilted the balance of power to the point where it's nearly impossible for defensive players to do their jobs without being slapped with fines. Oh yeah, then there's the fact that players can't celebrate after touchdowns. Way to kill the fun factor, boys. Now, along comes the lockout and a display of avarice that's a slap to the face of the fans who basically employ these ass clowns.
Well, that does it! I've had with these rich morons whose sense of entitlement has seemingly overwhelmed any common sense. I don't expect much to change. A lot of fans will just forgive and forget when the lockout ends. But I refuse to be part of the cycle anymore. I'm done with the NFL. It's gonna suck. I love the NFL, but I can't support it any more. Luckily, I have plenty of hobbies to fill this new block of time that's opened up for me. I can play my guitar, and maybe I'll get better at it. I can do more writing. Hell, I now even have one less reason to skip church on Sunday. Now, I'm not crazy. If I'm at someone's house and a game happens to be on, I'm not gonna dive out the door or do anything nutty like that. I'm just dome putting myself in position to watch games on purpose. It doesn't really matter. It's not like my Dolphins are gonna finally stop sucking.
No matter which side you blame (and for the record, I blame the owners. After all, they opted out of the CBA during a time of unprecedented NFL popularity and profitability.), one thing is certain: any one who says they care about the fans is completely full of it. This is all about money, and that's all. The feelings of the fans probably didn't enter into the minds of the owners or the players for even a microsecond. And yet, they all seem to expect us to forgive and forget. They're sure we'll all still be there once things are resolved.
Problem is, fans are already kinda getting hosed by the league. Owners have been allowed to raise ticket prices and pile on additional fees, like parking, to the point where most average fans can't afford to go out to games. The league has whored out its brand to the point where Vivid Video (that's a porno studio, kids) could advertise during an NFL game and it really wouldn't surprise me. Seriously, you can't go two minutes without some stupid beer ad coming on or some geezer hocking pharmaceutical products that combat E.D. I wish that was it, but the game itself is starting to get less interesting. Rules changes have tilted the balance of power to the point where it's nearly impossible for defensive players to do their jobs without being slapped with fines. Oh yeah, then there's the fact that players can't celebrate after touchdowns. Way to kill the fun factor, boys. Now, along comes the lockout and a display of avarice that's a slap to the face of the fans who basically employ these ass clowns.
Well, that does it! I've had with these rich morons whose sense of entitlement has seemingly overwhelmed any common sense. I don't expect much to change. A lot of fans will just forgive and forget when the lockout ends. But I refuse to be part of the cycle anymore. I'm done with the NFL. It's gonna suck. I love the NFL, but I can't support it any more. Luckily, I have plenty of hobbies to fill this new block of time that's opened up for me. I can play my guitar, and maybe I'll get better at it. I can do more writing. Hell, I now even have one less reason to skip church on Sunday. Now, I'm not crazy. If I'm at someone's house and a game happens to be on, I'm not gonna dive out the door or do anything nutty like that. I'm just dome putting myself in position to watch games on purpose. It doesn't really matter. It's not like my Dolphins are gonna finally stop sucking.
Crush of the Week!!!!
COTW is keepin' the international flavor goin' another week and throwin' some love Paz Vega's way. Miss Vega is best known in nerd circles as the gorgeous woman who played Plaster of Paris in The Spirit. She was on 7 Vidas, the Spanish version of Friends, and put up with Adam Sandler's mugging in Spanglish. Here's hopin' she does more nerd-bait movies so that we can get a steady fix of Paz Vega, this week's Crush of the Week!!!!
Saturday, March 12, 2011
A Straight-Up Deal-Breaker
Not that I'm that much of a catch, but any girl that wants to date me better watch this and listen good.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Almost Mormon - Chapter 3
"Sluff Day"
Back in high school, I'd sluff church classes fairly regularly. Normally, my folks would cart me to the meetinghouse, then I'd skip out between classes with two of my buddies. We'd walk a few blocks to the convenience store, get some soda, chips and salsa, then sit behind the church's equipment shed, chatting and eating junk food. When we all got cars, we'd road trip it to Rexburg, and we even hit Idaho Falls for lunch a couple times. When I'd get home, my folks would ask me where I'd been and then they'd be like "you know where you're supposed to be on Sundays". I guess they were trying to teach me to prioritize, but all I really learned is that if you're gonna sluff church, you gotta make it count.
Fast-forward a few years, and I'm kinda on my own on sluff days. I watch movies or football. I go wander around Wal-Mart. I sit in the park and read. But, sluff days just aren't as fun any more. I know I'd get more outta going to church, even if I'm just reinforcing a good habit. Thing is, I've learned over the years that if I don't wanna go to church on a particular Sunday, I'm not going and there's nothing I can doing to change that. Take this past Sunday, for example. I got up, got showered and shaved, but when the time to get dressed rolled around, I decided to go for a drive instead. It was good to clear my head, but I didn't really get anything else out of it. I didn't really get why I didn't just go to church.
The answer, or at least what I'm interpreting as the answer, hit me the other day: I just don't find church to be necessary. I enjoy it sometimes. I know it's good for me. But my world doesn't fall apart if I don't go. It would be nice if I could love church with all my heart, like so many of my friends do, but I've just never been that way. I don't understand why. I simply don't need it.
That's the thing I must quest for now: I have to learn how to need church. I'm not sure how that'll happen. I've never been one of those people who feels like God is the answer to everything. I feel okay on my own. And, not to be blasphemous, but a lot of times I think I'd rather have Chewbacca than the Lord as my co-pilot. So how do I make church, spirituality even, a necessity for me? Seriously, tell me, 'cuz I don't really have a clue.
Back in high school, I'd sluff church classes fairly regularly. Normally, my folks would cart me to the meetinghouse, then I'd skip out between classes with two of my buddies. We'd walk a few blocks to the convenience store, get some soda, chips and salsa, then sit behind the church's equipment shed, chatting and eating junk food. When we all got cars, we'd road trip it to Rexburg, and we even hit Idaho Falls for lunch a couple times. When I'd get home, my folks would ask me where I'd been and then they'd be like "you know where you're supposed to be on Sundays". I guess they were trying to teach me to prioritize, but all I really learned is that if you're gonna sluff church, you gotta make it count.
Fast-forward a few years, and I'm kinda on my own on sluff days. I watch movies or football. I go wander around Wal-Mart. I sit in the park and read. But, sluff days just aren't as fun any more. I know I'd get more outta going to church, even if I'm just reinforcing a good habit. Thing is, I've learned over the years that if I don't wanna go to church on a particular Sunday, I'm not going and there's nothing I can doing to change that. Take this past Sunday, for example. I got up, got showered and shaved, but when the time to get dressed rolled around, I decided to go for a drive instead. It was good to clear my head, but I didn't really get anything else out of it. I didn't really get why I didn't just go to church.
The answer, or at least what I'm interpreting as the answer, hit me the other day: I just don't find church to be necessary. I enjoy it sometimes. I know it's good for me. But my world doesn't fall apart if I don't go. It would be nice if I could love church with all my heart, like so many of my friends do, but I've just never been that way. I don't understand why. I simply don't need it.
That's the thing I must quest for now: I have to learn how to need church. I'm not sure how that'll happen. I've never been one of those people who feels like God is the answer to everything. I feel okay on my own. And, not to be blasphemous, but a lot of times I think I'd rather have Chewbacca than the Lord as my co-pilot. So how do I make church, spirituality even, a necessity for me? Seriously, tell me, 'cuz I don't really have a clue.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Relentless Reckless Frickin' Awesome
None of that has really changed on Relentless Reckless Forever, Bodom's new CD. However, there are some differences. For one thing, the sound of the record is a bit more raw and organic than their past couple offerings. Not that they suddenly sound like an indie band or anything like that. They just sound less polished, and that's actually a good thing.
Another thing is that Bodom seem to have spent a little more time writing more mid-tempo material. While their are still plenty of passages where the band plays at light speed. They just give the song a bit more room to breathe, and they play up the grooves more. That makes Relentless hit a bit harder and feel a bit heavier than other recent Bodom CDs. Again, this is a good thing.
The familiar elements you love about Bodom are still there. Janne Warman's keyboards still give the songs a cheesy horror film atmosphere, as if they were composed by John Carpenter. His solo trade-offs with axeman Alexi Laiho are still a highlight. Laiho teams with Roope Latvala to make up one of the best guitar tag teams in contemporary metal. Jaska Raatikainen provides solid beats and makes the grooves swing. And Laiho's vocals sound like discarded vocal recording for the ringwraiths in Peter Jackson's Lord of the Rings flicks.
Overall, this is a very solid release, with all the instrumental prowess you'd expect from Children of Bodom. The riffs are killer, especially the ones from "Cry of the Nihilist" and "Was It Worth It?". If there's a thing that sets Relentless apart from other Bodom records, it's that they've slowed down a little bit and they let the riffs get a little more bluesy and the beats swing a bit more. As a result, Relentless Reckless Forever is the heaviest thing Children of Bodom have done in a while. I'd give it a solid "B".
Fatty Vs. Bullwinkle
Today has been one of those out-the-door type days. The sun hasn't bothered to show his face, but it's not too cold, it's not dumping snow, and the wind isn't howling. So I decided to go for a walk through the little campground/park down by the river. I was trudging through the slush, listening to the new Children of Bodom record and minding my own business. I was about halfway into my normal route when I saw something out of the corner of my eye. It was a moose, sitting in the snow just chilling. I think I woke it up from its nap.
The moose locked eyes with me and stood up. We stared each other down for what seemed like ages. I wanted to walk my full route, 'cuz I could really use the exercise, but I wasn't sure how my new acquaintance felt about my being there. The moose seemed less than enthused. I tried to throw down with some Professor Xavier-type mind games, telling the moose to be mellow and that I meant no harm. Unfortunately, Moose-ish is not a language I speak fluently, so playing mind games didn't work.
I shuffled ahead a half-step, but the moose stood its ground. It looked hardcore, like it meant business. I finally decided I didn't want to get trampled or head-butted and turned around. As I walked away from my confrontation, I shot a look back behind to see what the moose was doing. It was standing there, and almost seemed to smiling, as if to say "I own you, Pudgy". As I wandered back to my car, I realised I'm pretty weak-minded and undisciplined. After all, I just lost a stare-down with a moose.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
From Hicks to the Heaviest Matter in the Universe - Kurt Cobain, Crappy Country, and the In-Between Years
The legend of Kurt Cobain goes a little like this: in the early '90's, rock music was being held hostage by a monstrous, poofy-hired monster. Then, Sir Cobain came riding to the rescue, wielding the Grungy Sword of Truth, clad in flannel armor and "real, sincere emotions". With a snicker-snact, he slew the vapid hairy beast and rock music moved into a new era of confessional, personal rock songcraft. At least until Sir Cobain blew his head off with a shotgun.
That's what we're supposed to believe (I even alluded to it in my last "From Hicks" post). Snooty rock journalists and critics revelled in the death of metal, and lionized Cobain as the one responsible for killing off an entire era of rock. They spent so much time singing Nirvana's praises and pounding it into our heads that Cobain was some sort of grunge rock superhero, that it's hard not to buy into. But, if you take a little time to look at what really went down in the end of the 80's and the early 90's, you can see that the fairy tale of Kurt Cobain was really just that: a fairy tale. Nirvana and Kurt Cobain didn't really kill metal, they just provided the killing blow.
By the time Nirvana released Nevermind, the record that "killed" metal, metal was pretty much already dead. It started when Guns N' Roses showed and released Appetite for Destruction in 1987. GNR was initially cast as another hair band, but there was something very different about them. While most hair bands tried to look cool and sound tough, they spent too much time hamming it up in their videos. They always seemed to be goofing off and smiling, and as Dee Snider will tell you, there's no smiling in metal. When GNR came out, they actually sounded pissed off. Songs like "It's So Easy" and "Paradise City" sounded legitimately angry. That made GNR immediately stand apart from the other hair bands: they seemed authentically pissed off. And suddenly, the rest of the hair bands just seemed fake. That, coupled with the fact the there were about a million virtually identical hair bands in the late 80's, with more showing up all the time, pieced together in the board rooms of record companies, helped hair metal to begin to wear on people. They were fake rockers, and we all knew it, but there really wasn't anything else out their for fans of loud rock. Later, when Metallica and Megadeth begin writing songs with more conventional arrangements, fans really began to see through the hair band sheen. Metal began to be taken over by actual metal bands, then Nirvana showed up to finish the hair bands off. But they were already pretty much on life support.
In my neck of the woods, metal actually kinda died off long before Nevermind showed up on our radar. It happened when Garth Brooks exploded onto the scene. I never got why so many people loved Brooks so damn much. He was a pudgy, balding, goofy-looking dude who spent way too much time crooning ballads. But, for some reason, he captured the imaginations of a lot of rocker kids I knew. Soon, they were trading their t-shirts and Levi's for ugly Brushpopper shirts and Wranglers. They completely abandoned the rock, and started spouting lame cliched catchphrases like "If you ain't country, you ain't crap". (Incidentally, I never got how that was supposed to be a positive, 'cuz it basically said if you were country, you were crap.) None of my friends were really into metal, so before too long, I was the only metalhead I knew. It was kinda lonely.
Still, I was kinda proud that I stuck to my guns, because the end of high school saw the release of some of my all-time favorite records. Faith No More's Angel Dust, Anthrax's Persistence of Time, and the killer one-two punch of Megadeth's Rust in Peace and Countdown to Extinction became very important records to me, and are still some of the best music I've ever heard. It also during this time that I discovered Pantera. Pantera featured Dimedag Darrell Abbott, one of the greatest heavy metal axemen to ever wield a six-string. Listening to Pantera, you seemed to get all of metal history in one sweet-sounding package. They riffed like Black Sabbath, thrashed like Slayer, and Dime shredded like Eddie Van Ace Judas Maiden. Vocalist Phil Anselmo started out singing in a operatic style similar to Bruce Dickinson and Rob Halford, but by the time they made Vulgar Display of Power, he was screaming and roaring like a hardcore punk frontman. Pantera was one of the first bands that help me to appreciate metal vocalists who didn't sing.
Strangely, while I was fighting to stay metal, and not become a country music-loving zombie during this time, I was beginning to look outside of metal and discover other music that was just as cool. It was during this time that I discovered the music of the Beatles and Stevie Ray Vaughan. I originally picked up Rubber Soul because I'd read interview after interview where guys in bands I dug talked about how great the Beatles were. I wanted to see what all the fuss was about. I was hooked pretty much off the bat, because Beatles tunes were so well-written, and they were fun to sing along with. I discovered SRV on accident. I was over at a friend's house and we were watching MTV. A clip of Stevie playing "Pride and Joy" unplugged came on, and I was kinda intrigued by this guy. He had a great voice, and he was a tremendous player. When I picked up his Texas Flood CD, I was kinda surprised how intense his playing was, even though he obviously wasn't metal. Soon, I was searching out music by B.B. King, and other bluesmen.
Thankfully, high school soon came to an end, and it was off to college. I began to hang out with a dude nude James (aka Half-stack) an awful lot. He wasn't into metal at all, but he did have a curios habit of driving around in his car, singing along with Queen and Harry Connick, Jr. At first, I was very resistant to join in, especially with Connick. He wasn't even rock, and besides, I didn't know the words. Before long, though, I was buying Queen and Connick record and learning the words so I could sing along, too. Oddly enough, I did get Half-Stack to listen to one metal band: Enuff Z'Nuff. Z'Nuff played hard rock with Beatle-esque melodies and harmonies. It was catchy stuff, and Half-Stack couldn't resist. We soon added Z'Nuff's Animals with Human Intelligence to our sing-along rotation.
While this was going on, I was still listening to a lot of rock, and I had gotten really deep into Alice In Chains. I first heard AIC was on an episode of Beavis and Butt-head. I liked their first CD, Facelift, but it was their second CD, Dirt, that really hooked me. Alice wasn't really metal, but they were very heavy. On top of that, the harmonies between singer Layne Staley and Jerry Cantrell were so infectious that even though Alice was a downer band, I had to sing along. I spent a lot of time listening to Dirt while cruising around town with my buddy Toonces. Good Times.
As I progressed through college, my taste was expanding to things I never thought I'd ever. A big part of it was allowing myself to experience different types of music. I found much outside the bounds of metal that I liked. And it's a good thing, because metal was disappearing from MTV and radio, and I needed something to replace it with.
That's what we're supposed to believe (I even alluded to it in my last "From Hicks" post). Snooty rock journalists and critics revelled in the death of metal, and lionized Cobain as the one responsible for killing off an entire era of rock. They spent so much time singing Nirvana's praises and pounding it into our heads that Cobain was some sort of grunge rock superhero, that it's hard not to buy into. But, if you take a little time to look at what really went down in the end of the 80's and the early 90's, you can see that the fairy tale of Kurt Cobain was really just that: a fairy tale. Nirvana and Kurt Cobain didn't really kill metal, they just provided the killing blow.
By the time Nirvana released Nevermind, the record that "killed" metal, metal was pretty much already dead. It started when Guns N' Roses showed and released Appetite for Destruction in 1987. GNR was initially cast as another hair band, but there was something very different about them. While most hair bands tried to look cool and sound tough, they spent too much time hamming it up in their videos. They always seemed to be goofing off and smiling, and as Dee Snider will tell you, there's no smiling in metal. When GNR came out, they actually sounded pissed off. Songs like "It's So Easy" and "Paradise City" sounded legitimately angry. That made GNR immediately stand apart from the other hair bands: they seemed authentically pissed off. And suddenly, the rest of the hair bands just seemed fake. That, coupled with the fact the there were about a million virtually identical hair bands in the late 80's, with more showing up all the time, pieced together in the board rooms of record companies, helped hair metal to begin to wear on people. They were fake rockers, and we all knew it, but there really wasn't anything else out their for fans of loud rock. Later, when Metallica and Megadeth begin writing songs with more conventional arrangements, fans really began to see through the hair band sheen. Metal began to be taken over by actual metal bands, then Nirvana showed up to finish the hair bands off. But they were already pretty much on life support.
In my neck of the woods, metal actually kinda died off long before Nevermind showed up on our radar. It happened when Garth Brooks exploded onto the scene. I never got why so many people loved Brooks so damn much. He was a pudgy, balding, goofy-looking dude who spent way too much time crooning ballads. But, for some reason, he captured the imaginations of a lot of rocker kids I knew. Soon, they were trading their t-shirts and Levi's for ugly Brushpopper shirts and Wranglers. They completely abandoned the rock, and started spouting lame cliched catchphrases like "If you ain't country, you ain't crap". (Incidentally, I never got how that was supposed to be a positive, 'cuz it basically said if you were country, you were crap.) None of my friends were really into metal, so before too long, I was the only metalhead I knew. It was kinda lonely.
Still, I was kinda proud that I stuck to my guns, because the end of high school saw the release of some of my all-time favorite records. Faith No More's Angel Dust, Anthrax's Persistence of Time, and the killer one-two punch of Megadeth's Rust in Peace and Countdown to Extinction became very important records to me, and are still some of the best music I've ever heard. It also during this time that I discovered Pantera. Pantera featured Dimedag Darrell Abbott, one of the greatest heavy metal axemen to ever wield a six-string. Listening to Pantera, you seemed to get all of metal history in one sweet-sounding package. They riffed like Black Sabbath, thrashed like Slayer, and Dime shredded like Eddie Van Ace Judas Maiden. Vocalist Phil Anselmo started out singing in a operatic style similar to Bruce Dickinson and Rob Halford, but by the time they made Vulgar Display of Power, he was screaming and roaring like a hardcore punk frontman. Pantera was one of the first bands that help me to appreciate metal vocalists who didn't sing.
Strangely, while I was fighting to stay metal, and not become a country music-loving zombie during this time, I was beginning to look outside of metal and discover other music that was just as cool. It was during this time that I discovered the music of the Beatles and Stevie Ray Vaughan. I originally picked up Rubber Soul because I'd read interview after interview where guys in bands I dug talked about how great the Beatles were. I wanted to see what all the fuss was about. I was hooked pretty much off the bat, because Beatles tunes were so well-written, and they were fun to sing along with. I discovered SRV on accident. I was over at a friend's house and we were watching MTV. A clip of Stevie playing "Pride and Joy" unplugged came on, and I was kinda intrigued by this guy. He had a great voice, and he was a tremendous player. When I picked up his Texas Flood CD, I was kinda surprised how intense his playing was, even though he obviously wasn't metal. Soon, I was searching out music by B.B. King, and other bluesmen.
Thankfully, high school soon came to an end, and it was off to college. I began to hang out with a dude nude James (aka Half-stack) an awful lot. He wasn't into metal at all, but he did have a curios habit of driving around in his car, singing along with Queen and Harry Connick, Jr. At first, I was very resistant to join in, especially with Connick. He wasn't even rock, and besides, I didn't know the words. Before long, though, I was buying Queen and Connick record and learning the words so I could sing along, too. Oddly enough, I did get Half-Stack to listen to one metal band: Enuff Z'Nuff. Z'Nuff played hard rock with Beatle-esque melodies and harmonies. It was catchy stuff, and Half-Stack couldn't resist. We soon added Z'Nuff's Animals with Human Intelligence to our sing-along rotation.
While this was going on, I was still listening to a lot of rock, and I had gotten really deep into Alice In Chains. I first heard AIC was on an episode of Beavis and Butt-head. I liked their first CD, Facelift, but it was their second CD, Dirt, that really hooked me. Alice wasn't really metal, but they were very heavy. On top of that, the harmonies between singer Layne Staley and Jerry Cantrell were so infectious that even though Alice was a downer band, I had to sing along. I spent a lot of time listening to Dirt while cruising around town with my buddy Toonces. Good Times.
As I progressed through college, my taste was expanding to things I never thought I'd ever. A big part of it was allowing myself to experience different types of music. I found much outside the bounds of metal that I liked. And it's a good thing, because metal was disappearing from MTV and radio, and I needed something to replace it with.
Monday, March 7, 2011
My Ultimate Hair Metal Playlist
I re-read Chuck Klosterman's brilliant book Fargo Rock City over the weekend. While I don't relate to getting drunk while listening to metal, I identify very strongly with being a metalhead in a tiny town and living a lifestyle I knew I'd never get to vicariously through experiencing the music of metal bands. I loved watching the videos (which didn't happen often 'cuz we lived out in the middle of nowhere and didn't get MTV), reading magazines like Metal Edge, and picking up records by new bands nobody I knew had heard about.
Back then, I really didn't differentiate too much between different styles of heavy rock. I knew that the glammy metal of Warrant and Poison was different from the straight-ahead old-school stuff of Dio. Judas Priest, and Iron Maiden. I knew that thrash was faster, angrier, and more technical than hair metal. It just didn't bother me. I loved it all.
Since then, I've moved on from hair metal, and I don't listen to it very much at all. It's not heavy or thrashy enough for me on most days any more. But, I still have most of the CDs (and even some old cassette tapes) that I bought back when I really loved hair metal, and every once in a while I get in a wacky mood and I revisit those bands that ruled my formative years.
Reading Fargo Rock City put me in one of those moods, and I've spent the past couple days digging on hair metal, and I decided to throw together my ultimate hair metal playlist. Roger Ebert has said that he defines a classic movie as a movie he can't imagine not ever being able to see again. Along that line of thought, these are the hair metal tunes I can't imagine never being able to hear again. Luckily, thanks to youtube, I don't think I'll ever have to worry about never hearing them again.
1. "Turn Up the Radio" by Autograph
2. "Wait" by White Lion
3. "Girls, Girls, Girls" by Motley Crue (I'm not a big Crue fan, but you couldn't have a list like this without 'em)
4. "In My Dreams" by Dokken
5. "7th Avenue" by Ratt (The hardest-rockin' baddest-ass Ratt tune ever)
6. "Be a Man" by Tesla (Gotta love that slide guitar intro)
7. "Crying in the Rain" by Whitesnake
8. "Madalaine" by Winger (Let's hear it for hair metal's whitest teeth!!)
9. "Nothin' but a Good Time" by Poison (The unofficial anthem for a whole musical movement)
10. "Green-Tinted Sixties Mind" by Mr. Big
11. "The Lumber Jack" by Jackyl (C'mon, it's got a chainsaw solo!! That's wicked awesome!!)
12. "Bad Medicine" by Bon Jovi (Again, not a big fan, but they've gotta be on this list.)
13. "He-Man Woman Hater" by Extreme (Nuno is one the best guitarists, and most under-rated, to ever walk the planet.)
14. "Cold Blood" by Kix
15. ""Youth Gone Wild" by Skid Row
16. "Dance Little Sister" by Hurricane (They got way better when Doug Aldrich joined.)
17. "Cherry Pie" by Warrant (Perhaps the stupidest song ever written, but it's so much fun!)
18. "Bang Your Head (Mental Health)" by Quiet Riot (A perfect heavy metal mission statement)
19. "Superstitious" by Europe (Was tempted to put down "Cherokee" due the hilarious (to me anyway) irony of a bunch of Europeans bemoaning the fate of Native Americans. But that's kinda cold, so...)
20. "Finger on the Trigger" by Enuff Z'Nuff
21. "Up All Night" by Slaughter (Perfect party rock)
22. "Don't Treat Me Bad" by Firehouse (It's a silly tune, but if it gets in your head, you just cannot get it out.)
23. "Boyz Are Gonna Rock" by Vinnie Vincent (Mr. Vincent had absolutely no sense of tastefulness in his playing. That could be why he's cool.)
24. "Mistreater" by Great White
25. "Paradise City" by Guns N' Roses (Not sure if they are hair metal, but this is a great closer song. Plus, Axl's hair sure was poodle-rific in the "Welcome to the Jungle" video.)
Back then, I really didn't differentiate too much between different styles of heavy rock. I knew that the glammy metal of Warrant and Poison was different from the straight-ahead old-school stuff of Dio. Judas Priest, and Iron Maiden. I knew that thrash was faster, angrier, and more technical than hair metal. It just didn't bother me. I loved it all.
Since then, I've moved on from hair metal, and I don't listen to it very much at all. It's not heavy or thrashy enough for me on most days any more. But, I still have most of the CDs (and even some old cassette tapes) that I bought back when I really loved hair metal, and every once in a while I get in a wacky mood and I revisit those bands that ruled my formative years.
Reading Fargo Rock City put me in one of those moods, and I've spent the past couple days digging on hair metal, and I decided to throw together my ultimate hair metal playlist. Roger Ebert has said that he defines a classic movie as a movie he can't imagine not ever being able to see again. Along that line of thought, these are the hair metal tunes I can't imagine never being able to hear again. Luckily, thanks to youtube, I don't think I'll ever have to worry about never hearing them again.
1. "Turn Up the Radio" by Autograph
2. "Wait" by White Lion
3. "Girls, Girls, Girls" by Motley Crue (I'm not a big Crue fan, but you couldn't have a list like this without 'em)
4. "In My Dreams" by Dokken
5. "7th Avenue" by Ratt (The hardest-rockin' baddest-ass Ratt tune ever)
6. "Be a Man" by Tesla (Gotta love that slide guitar intro)
7. "Crying in the Rain" by Whitesnake
8. "Madalaine" by Winger (Let's hear it for hair metal's whitest teeth!!)
9. "Nothin' but a Good Time" by Poison (The unofficial anthem for a whole musical movement)
10. "Green-Tinted Sixties Mind" by Mr. Big
11. "The Lumber Jack" by Jackyl (C'mon, it's got a chainsaw solo!! That's wicked awesome!!)
12. "Bad Medicine" by Bon Jovi (Again, not a big fan, but they've gotta be on this list.)
13. "He-Man Woman Hater" by Extreme (Nuno is one the best guitarists, and most under-rated, to ever walk the planet.)
14. "Cold Blood" by Kix
15. ""Youth Gone Wild" by Skid Row
16. "Dance Little Sister" by Hurricane (They got way better when Doug Aldrich joined.)
17. "Cherry Pie" by Warrant (Perhaps the stupidest song ever written, but it's so much fun!)
18. "Bang Your Head (Mental Health)" by Quiet Riot (A perfect heavy metal mission statement)
19. "Superstitious" by Europe (Was tempted to put down "Cherokee" due the hilarious (to me anyway) irony of a bunch of Europeans bemoaning the fate of Native Americans. But that's kinda cold, so...)
20. "Finger on the Trigger" by Enuff Z'Nuff
21. "Up All Night" by Slaughter (Perfect party rock)
22. "Don't Treat Me Bad" by Firehouse (It's a silly tune, but if it gets in your head, you just cannot get it out.)
23. "Boyz Are Gonna Rock" by Vinnie Vincent (Mr. Vincent had absolutely no sense of tastefulness in his playing. That could be why he's cool.)
24. "Mistreater" by Great White
25. "Paradise City" by Guns N' Roses (Not sure if they are hair metal, but this is a great closer song. Plus, Axl's hair sure was poodle-rific in the "Welcome to the Jungle" video.)
Crush of the Week!!!!
There are few things COTW like better than hot women that rock. In fact, a doesn't have to be that pretty if she can really rock. It's like rocking is half the battle. That why COTW's giving a shout-out to Liv Jagrell this week. Miss Jagrell fronts the Swedish band Sister Sin. Though SS hails from Gothenburg, the same city as In Flames, they don't play the melodic death metal Gothenburg's known for. Instead they dish out some seriously kick-ass old-school metal in the vein of bands like a female-fronted version of Motley Crue or Skid Row. Miss Jagrell's plenty pretty, but she gets surface-of-the-sun hot when she starts rocking. And her voice rules. She doesn't sing in the angelic, operatic style of Amy Lee of Evanescence, nor does she scream bloody murder like Angela Gossow from Arch Enemy. She just belts it, with plenty of melody, but she still sounds bad-ass. Check out the clip below, "Sound of the Underground" for proof. So let's throw up the horns for Liv Jagrell, this week's Crush of the Week!!!!
Thursday, March 3, 2011
The Human Romance Rocks
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